Read by Most Valuable Player (Acting) 2016, Jim Cogan (Full podcast here)
Snowmen, with top hats, making jazz hands.
Is this really what Christmas has come to? The snowmen seem to think so. Their black button-eyes are grinning, and they’re practically crawling all over the wrapping paper.
I look at the paper again. It’s cheap, but folded precisely. The sellotape is smudgeless and cut with scissors. I know who did this. There’s only one person this neat in my family.
But I don’t look up. Instead, I feign ignorance and weigh it in my hands. Rule number one of Secret Santa: stretch out the suspense. So I shake it, I “hmmm” and I squeeze it in my fingers. It’s firm but gives slightly. A book of some sort, but thin and almost the length of my arm. Too big to sit on any respectable coffee table that I know of.
I use my nails and rip a thin, tapering slit. It’s barely off when my brother says, “I know what it is.”