Liars' League

The Love Machines by Niall Boyce

Mar 10 The Love Machines

Read by Sarah Feathers

The inaugural lecture of Susan Schilling, Professor of Cybernetic History at University College London, delivered on the 14th of February 2210.

*

We can summarise twenty-first century man in just four words: he threw things away.

He threw away plastic bags, and drink cans, and bottles. He threw away food. He threw away money. And – worst of all - he threw away machines. Not for him the make-do-and-mend of his fathers and grandfathers: no, the smallest, most fixable flaw would be reason enough for him to junk the whole thing. His mobile phone, his laptop, his car: all would face summary execution the minute they were less than a hundred percent perfect. Often the machine didn’t even need to be broken. It just needed to be old, and by old I mean months old, sometimes less. Everything had to be the latest.

It couldn’t last forever. Very soon, the time was ripe for the coming of the Love Machines.

Suicide by Jerome McFadden

Mar 10 Suicide

Read by Terence Anderson

 

He was standing on a short stepladder, facing me. He looked at me but continued to adjust the rope around his neck. The expression on his face said Piss off, this is none of your business. The top end of the rope was secured to the overhead garage beam. The other end was becoming an expertly knotted hangman’s noose. I was about to ask what the hell he thought he was doing but he started kicking away the stepladder before I could get my mouth open.

i/o error by Sumit Dam

 

Mar 10 I-O Error

 

Read by Will Goodhand

First the bright star of the Earth fell silent; then it went dark.

Alpha turned away. It could no longer sense data trickling into its system: a now-familiar indication that the interplanetary internet was down. Intermittent outages had been a fact of life for some years now on Mars Station. But given the evidence of the quiet Earth, Alpha judged it more probable that the WorldServer had failed for the last time.

Which meant that Alpha and Eta were on their own.

Daphne Changes by Joshan Esfandiari Martin

Mar 10 Daphne Changes

Read by Joshan Esfandiari-Martin

They met when she holidayed on his island paradise.  Deedee and Tino.  She loved him.  He loved her.  He said he would marry the sunburnt English girl.  She was barely seventeen at the time; a young bride.  But no matter.  They moved to Coventry.

She had enormous eyes and sat with her hands on her lap.  Waitressess came to and fro.  She was at her usual table.  Lexa, the beautiful one, saw her.  Deedee was pretty, waiting patiently to give her order.

The café was bright, and informal, furnished in simple wood.

They smiled at each other.  Lexa’s face at Deedee’s face.  Deedee’s tawny braids at Lexa’s wholesomely red hair.  Blue eyes.  Brown eyes.

This Little Piggy by Jenny Arnold

Mar 10 This Little Piggy

Read by Danielle Fenemore

My husband’s weight didn’t come on gradually, gestated over a period of months.  Rather I woke one morning to his belly, taut and glistening, skin straining to keep its secrets.  I put my face to his stomach.  “You can’t hide them from me,” I whispered to his navel.  Something moved, a sharp jab against my cheek.  “A mother always knows,” I said.

The doctor said triplets.  I asked if we could still have sex.  My husband wrapped his arms around his stomach and said, “Can’t you just give me this time?”

Stories chosen for Love & Marriage, Tue 9 Feb

Yes, Liars’ League is back at last! Our next night is a Love & Marriage theme for Valentine’s Day, and it’s at 7.30pm (doors at 7) on Tuesday 9 February in the massive downstairs bar at The Phoenix, Oxford Circus (details below), NOT the Wheatsheaf. 

There are special deals (nearly half price) on wine all night, and it’s £5 on the door to get in. It’s gone up a bit because of the increased venue hire, but hopefully you should save considerably more than £2 on booze. We have, as ever, some great stories for you, featuring passion, pain, homunculi, robots, lesbians and phones that love you back. 

SELECTED STORIES

This Little Piggy by Jenny Arnold NEW AUTHOR, read by Danielle Fenemore 

Daphne Changes by Joshan Esfandiari Martin NEW AUTHOR, read by Paul Clarke 

i/o error by Sumit Dam, read by Will Goodhand 

INTERVAL & BOOK QUIZ – FABULOUS PRIZES (BOOKS) TO BE WON!!! 

Made for Each Other by Nichol Wilmor, read by Thomas Judd

Suicide by Jerome McFadden NEW AUTHOR, read by Terence Anderson

The Love Machines by Niall Boyce, read by Sarah Feathers

BONUS FEATURE: FEBRUARY IS LOVERS' LEAGUE! Oh yeah baby, that’s right … February’s Liars’ League is going to be even more full of love, joy and sexiness than usual. Why? Because we’re going to experiment with making it partly a dating night. Eat your heart out, Guardian Soulmates. 

So, if you or any of your friends are single, London-based, and want to hook up with somebody literate and cultured like yourself in time for Valentine’s Day, just send us your name, age, gender, sexual orientation and the title of your favourite book. 

We, the Liars, will then reserve your ticket and fix you up with a fellow punter, based on your details: and frankly, what better way to find love than at the League?