Liars' League

Pampas Grass by James Holden

July 2011 Pampas Grass

Read by Sarah Le Fevre

“Thank you for the wine – I’ve placed it on the communal table. We’d appreciate it if you didn’t take the bottles around. There are plenty of plastic cups for you to take with you though …”

Jennifer preferred to look out through the open French windows than listen to what their host was saying. It had been another hot July day, and the lounge was basking in the last of the summer’s sun. Outside, pampas grass was swaying in an evening breeze that was bringing Jennifer some relief. As Kevin continued to feed them instructions she surveyed the terrace and the view beyond, the generous sloping garden with browning grass but well-watered plants leading down towards farmland.

 

Kenny by Frances Clarke

July 2011 Kenny

Read by Jo Widdowson

His protuberant belly shone like burnt plum jam. “Need your gutters cleaning? They looks blocked from ’ere.”

Helen, wishing she hadn’t answered the door, struggled to control her gaze. The petunias wilted in the heat, the soil in their pot grey and cracked. Bloody Kenny. He was practically bare. His tone was peremptory despite the smile on his face. He had been obsequious on previous occasions. What had got into him? Her eyes flicked back to the expiring petunias to avoid seeing how his bulging stomach merged with his meaty pectorals. Chains glinted gold against the dense black chest hair. Why did he have to be so naked?

 

Brothers' Eyes and Curtain Rods by Robert Long

July 2011 Brothers Eyes

Read by Terence Anderson

One day.  That is all it is.  It has its fragments, a series of actions and succeeding actions, as mechanical as the turning of a clock. It has its existence as a whole, an inescapable prison.  He will be held within it forever, and so will they.

In the morning, he leaves his wife.  She rolls over and says something in slurred, sleepy Russian.  Lee ignores her, and quickly gets dressed.  The room is not his and it would not be right to say he is leaving home. 

 

Underneath by Erinna Mettler

July 2011 Underneath

Read by Elizabeth Bower

Jack is eating cornflakes. An empty flat. A new pack. Perfect. He’s only taken one bite when he hears footsteps in the hall. Damn it. He chews quickly and swallows hard. He’s only half finished when Rosa walks into the kitchen and glares in his direction. She picks up the kettle, sighs heavily at its emptiness and carries it to the sink.

‘What are you wearing?’ he asks.

She looks over her shoulder, the flame silk of her hair flowing down her back. ‘It’s what I wear in bed.’

 

 

Hot & Bothered this Tuesday 12th July!

Turn up the heat and let the sunshine in with our July Hot & Bothered stories on Tuesday 12th July!

We've got swingers and assassins, curry in New York and sexy pants in suburbia, not to mention a burning building or two ... plus our infamous literary quiz, the chance to win some steamy FREE books, and bargain wine all night - all for a measly fiver on the door!

STORIES CHOSEN:
- Underneath by Erinna Mettler NEW AUTHOR, read by Elizabeth Bower
- Brothers' Eyes and Curtain Rods by Robert Long NEW AUTHOR, read by Terence Anderson
- This Isn't Heat by Richard Smyth, read by Silas Hawkins
- Pampas Grass by James Holden NEW AUTHOR, read by Sarah Le Fevre
- Kenny by Frances Clarke NEW AUTHOR, read by Jo Widdowson

See you there: doors at 7pm, show at 7.30, drinking till late, as usual ...

Tekken 3 by Simon Barker

June 2011 Tekken 3

Read by Clareine Cronin

“Listen to this,” Pierre said to his brother-in-law. He was reading from Rousseau. “Watch a little girl spend a day with her doll, changing its clothes, dressing and undressing it … hours go by, even meals are forgotten … she cannot do anything for herself, she has neither the training, nor the talent, nor the strength … she is engrossed in her doll and in due time SHE WILL BE HER OWN DOLL. See? See what I mean?” He slumped as if he’d been hit by an invisible mugger.

“You mean too many dolls?” Frank asked.

“Too many dolls and not enough fighting.” Pierre stuffed the book back on the Childrearing shelf.

 

The Badger Sett by Alan McCormick

June 2011 The Badger Sett

Read by Karl Niklas

Mum and I live in an old woodcutter’s cottage at the end of a long muddy lane. It’s the kind of place where men arrive in the trees in the middle of the night to dig out a badger sett. Last week they gassed and spaded a whole family. In the moonlight I saw the animals' bleeding, bloated corpses laid out in our garden before they were loaded in a van and taken away.

It’s 2a.m. and freezing cold. Five minutes since I heard the phone ring in my Mum’s room. It can only mean one thing, and sure enough, here she is tapping on my bedroom door. 

‘Roy, your father will be here in two hours. Quick, come down and help me light the fire.’

 

Derby of Lost Souls by Barry McKinley

June 2011 Derby of Lost Souls

Read by Silas Hawkins

We were fifteen years old and we didn't have enough grey matter between us to form one small but sensible idea. We were dumber than the day was long, and this was high summer, 1975. Standing at the edge of the field we did our best to conceal the lingering stupidity in a blue haze of cigarette smoke. We didn't want Tom Kavanagh to look into our eyes and see the accumulated nothing.

"Opium is just like turnips or spuds," he said in his Bogman accent. "You weed it, you water it and you walk away from it. There isn't going to be any funny business, because funny business would land the pair of you in reform school …"

 

Content Management by Derek Ivan Webster

June 2011 Content Management

Read by Martin Lamb

“I'm forgetting something.” His eyes were closed; his fingertips pressed into his temples. His hands quivered as if straining to hold the skull together.

“It couldn't be that important. You never forget anything,” observed his wife as she diced peppers for a salad. The kitchen opened over a bar to the dining room table where he sat. She glanced up at intervals to regard his lone figure, elbows driving divots into the pea-green placemat.

“You look like you're praying,” she laughed.

California Burning by Nicholas Hogg

June 2011 California Burning

Click the link above to hear the MP3 of the reading by Katy Darby

“You know, I'm actually getting used to this.” Kathy leant back in the passenger seat, her bare feet resting on the dashboard.

“Those poor movie stars,” said Harvey, steering with his knees and rolling a joint in his free hands. “What if Mel Gibson's place burnt down?”

Kathy laughed. “With Mel Gibson in it.”

For two days they'd driven around the Hollywood hills and Malibu beach-homes, past the smouldering peaks and TV news crews. In downtown LA they watched clouds of smoke rear like doomsday thunder above the shiny towers.

Night Thoughts by Helen Simpson

May_11_Night_Thoughts

Read by Ben Crystal

Night Thoughts by Helen Simpson was published in the latest issue of Granta (115) - The F(eminism) Word Issue. To read the story, you're going to have to buy the magazine, but in the mean time we have Ben Crystal's dramatic reading below, and there's a short film in response to the story online here: http://www.granta.com/Online-Only/Night-Thoughts

Enjoy! :)

 

Helen Simpson is the author of five collections of short stories, the most recent of which is In-Flight Entertainment. Her previous books include Four Bare Legs in a Bed and Other Stories and Hey Yeah Right Get a Life.

His Lordship in a Mirror by Brindley Hallam Dennis

May_11_His_Lordship_In_A_Mirror

Click the link above to listen to the MP3 of the reading by Clive Greenwood

So, Mr Franks thinks that his Lordship can’t manage to tie his own bow tie, does he? Well, Mr Franks is in for a surprise. Mr Franks is in for a big surprise. The fact is that Mr Franks has begun to make too many assumptions about his Lordship. This is the danger in keeping a gentleman’s gentleman for too long. He begins to forget who is the gentleman, and who is the gentleman’s gentleman. He begins to presume. He begins to suggest. He begins to ask impertinent questions. Fold back end A, and hold tight between the thumb and forefinger.