Who said that a favourite Christmas tale couldn't be a violent action film? Not us!
"Davie", the twelve-year-old self of author David McGrath, insisted that we publish this:
"We meet John McClane who is just your average New York cop, on his way to meet his wife at the Nakatomi Tower in LA. It’s all going all right even though the wife has went and changed her last name on the poor prick and we feel sorry for him and kind of think she’s being a bit of a bitch trying to make it in the business world when she’s got kids at home. She has a nanny to mind them but it’s not really the same as having their mother there like.
Then out of nowhere, terrorists show up at the Nakatomi Tower and start shooting the fucking shit out of it and they have loads of guns and they are big and German or Russian maybe. There’s one black guy with them. He wears glasses so he’s like the tech nerd that they bring along to try and break into the safe. They kill loads of lads even more and then John McClane sneaks around and kills them all and then the stupid feds think he’s a baddie and he jumps off a building but he’s attached to a fire hose and then he pushes the last baddie off the building whose brother returns in Die Hard 3 for revenge but it’s not real revenge at all.
There’s one last baddie that a cop kills at the end. He found it difficult to kill people after he killed someone before but McClane helped him kill people again by talking to him the whole way through the film on a walkie talkie. McClane kisses his wife and there’s the end and it’s like, the best Christmas story fucking ever."
David McGrath graduated in 2012 from an MA in Creative Writing at Goldsmiths. He has won StorySlam at the Royal Festival Hall, the Peirene Press short story competition and is published on Wordlegs. He is putting the finishing touches to his first novel, Rickshaw. Twitter @DaveMcgrath1.
Stories written: "Runners" (read by author & Paul Clarke), "If Love were a Triceratops" (read by Max Berendt), "White Man Van" (read by Suzanne Goldberg), "Preheating the Oven" (read by Lin Sagovsky), "Me and Beyonce" (read by David McGrath), "The Elephant in the Tower" (read by Ed Cooper Clarke)
Comments