The Guide to Being a Dictator's Body Double by Cedrick Mendoza-Tolentino

Read by David Mildon - Listen to full podcast

1. Accept your fate. Accept that the series of unlikely events and occurrences that culminated in you did in fact happen and would in fact make a wonderful story, the kind that, over time, was thought of and shared as myth or legend. Accept that your story is the kind of story that people often hear and wonder what parts, however small, are actually true—the way that your parents’ DNA fit together in that particular configuration just so; the year and country of your birth; and of course, the unfortunate fact that you were playing in front of your parents’ home at the exact moment that a caravan of soldiers returning to the capital happened to pass by, and that one of the soldiers, having decided not to partake in the usual victory libations, took one look at you and instantly recognized the uncanny resemblance between you and the son of their country’s inspirational leader and father to all. All of this had to happen. Please, accept your fate—the sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to find peace, even if that peace comes while you pretend to be, and everyone believes you to be, someone else.
   

• Study him at every opportunity—or her, if gender equality has finally reached this most ancient of professions. You must not only understand the things that he does in public when all eyes and all cameras are on him, but you must understand all of the things that he does when no one is looking. Your ability to be him, to exude him, even when no one is looking, will be what makes you successful in your role. Like all great character actors—the ones who become synonymous with the parts that they play—you must become the “him” that everyone imagines when they hear his name.
  
  
• You must not only study him, but you must also study all of the things that he studies. It will be important that you know all of the same historical facts that he does, all of the same chronologies that should make him realize that if history follows its standard course for autocrats, it will take more than a body double to save his life.
• Do not let people see the two of you together too often. That would defeat your purpose. However similar you are to him physically, you are not his identical twin—you may be able to fool the people who only see him on television or from a distance at a rally, carelessly shooting bullets into the air, oblivious to the very real possibility that some of those gathered may be hit by those bullets on their way back down, but those will be the only ones. Anyone who has had more than a superficial glimpse will recognize you as an imposter immediately. And unfortunately for you, many of the people who could differentiate you from the real thing are the same people who would rather see him dead. And even more unfortunate for you, none of those people will have mercy on someone who risks his life for the man that they loathe more than anyone, or anything, else. The fact that you have no choice in the matter, that this life was foisted upon you, is irrelevant to them. None of them would so much as sigh upon learning of your death.
  
  
• Talk little until you have been coached enough to sound like him. It will feel odd answering questions with a nod or a smile, but voice and tone are very difficult to mimic. Even if it may seem strange to remain silent when the man that you are portraying is never lacking in something to say, your patience will be important in the long run. And whether he knows it or not, he may win allies who meet you instead of him because they walk away believing that your country’s leader is far more agreeable in person than on television after exchanging a few smiles and nods with you.
  
  
• Discover what made him fall in love with his wife. Be good to her in all of the ways that he once was, before he realized that he could find anything he wanted in the mistresses lining up to be with him. There will be nights where he will slip off to enjoy a mistress or two. He will not hide it from anyone, not even his wife. Most nights, she will accept it as simply part of her marriage, an annoyance no different than the dirty socks and underwear he leaves strewn across the bedroom floor. Something to be tolerated. Other nights, nights where she has had too much to drink or she is unable to contain her anger, she will look to you, her husband’s physical equivalent, for comfort. Be careful—you may not refuse any of her advances, but you may also never allow him to find out. The fact that his wife is unfaithful to him will be irrelevant, but anything that tarnishes his reputation or embarrasses him is dangerous. He may not go so far as to have you killed because he still needs you, but he will find any excuse to “travel” to all of the least hospitable parts of his country, thereby stripping away any ounce of comfort you enjoy as part of your role.
  
  
• Do not bother trying to win over his children. They will never accept you. When their time comes, because the man you have been charged with impersonating is dead, you may as well be dead too. If one of his opponents, convinced that his death is but a rumour and that he still lives, pulling strings from the shadows, does not kill you after seeing you in the streets in normal clothing, then you will die of poverty, having not received a salary for any of your work. The man you are impersonating and his inner circle will believe that service to your country and its father is payment enough. Upon his death and the ascendance of his heir, you will be cast into the streets, where you will be forced to beg for food. Few will give you anything—the transition period between dictators, even in a simple succession rather than by revolution, is often a sparse time for all.
  
  
• Accept that any injuries that happen to him will have to “happen” to you. Any bullet wounds, any scars resulting from unsuccessful knife attacks—these wounds and battle scars will all need to be visible on your body as well to avoid any deviation from the appearance of your noble leader. In those moments, remind yourself that pain is merely a part of life.
  
  
• But it is not reciprocal—be careful not to develop any visible scars or blemishes of your own. Anything that would make the two of you look different could result in your immediate firing. And as you well know, being fired from his service often means the firing squad. For that reason, let your vanity take hold, vanity that is directed at looking exactly like him.
  
  
• Train yourself so that each morning, when you wake up, you immediately assume the appropriate role. Most of the time, you will be able to wake up as yourself. You will wake up alone, able to look around and take in the extravagant surroundings, before you must collect your thoughts and drape his persona over your own. When you wake up next to his wife, it will be the same—she knows exactly who you are and to act as him would be ridiculous, even mocking in a way. There will be other times, however, when you will wake up next to one of his mistresses, one of the few he allows you to dabble with or one he no longer has any use for (steer clear of his favorites, lest you find your head on a pike). Those mornings, compose yourself in order to keep the mystery alive. She may suspect that you are not him, but so long as you do not come right out and say anything, she will not be certain (and she will not say anything, knowing full well that if she did and was wrong, it may be one of the last things she ever said). This mystery, and the accompanying uncertainty, will enhance the encounter, maybe even give you something to laugh about once she has left.
  
  
• If you have done everything right, the day that he is finally killed, and he will be, if they look at his heir as a monster, which they will, and if there is an opportunity to exalt you, his wife and all of those around him will install you in his place. They will brush aside any accusations that you are not the real one and swear that all along, you were the original and that he was the double. And in so many ways, if you have done everything as advised, it will be true.

(c) Cedrick Mendoza-Tolentino, 2017

Cedrick Mendoza-Tolentino was a 2014 Emerging Writers Fellow at the Center for Fiction in New York. He has had work published by Liars' League NYC, Joyland and Gargoyle Magazine, among others. His chapbook Alphabetica: The Other Side of Love is published by Corgi Snorkel Press. 

 

 

 

David Mildon is an actor and playwright and was a founding member of Liars' League. His stories “Worms’ Feast” and “Red” were performed here and appeared in Arachne Press anthologies London Lies & Weird Lies. His play The Flood was produced at the Hope Theatre Islington, and his short plays Second Skin and Either/Or at Theatre 503.