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Read by Rich Keeble
I want the job of naming paint colours. That’ll pass the time. How do you even apply for that? On my CV it says: "I’ve named a few goldfish in my time (MacGyver and Robin Hood). Will that do?" Perhaps I should give examples of the names I’ve come up with for colours:
- Badger cull – a kind of dark red
- Unwashed bedsheet – a blotchy off-white
- Summer’s sigh – deep yellow
- Expectation – blank page white
- Hope – blank page white
- Pressure – blank page white
- Promise – blank page white
- Next year’s failed resolutions – dappled grey
- An ice lolly that I’m sure I had when I was a child, but despite extensive research (i.e. a google search) I’ve found may only have existed in my mind, or in a dream – light turquoise
- Organic soup – rusty orange with hints of pumpkin seed
- Rude health – deep pink
- Nervous cop – any shade of brown
- Frosted glass – a duller version of whatever colour it’s painted over
- Artist’s tears – crystal clear
- Tommy’s bedroom – Batman blue and grey
- MacGyver and Robin Hood’s funeral - porcelain
- London Spring – snow white
- First love – rosy pink
- Emotionally- and financially-crippling divorce – a heady scarlet
- Pride – bright orange
- They always say you’re not supposed to have favourites – deep forest green
- The night Tommy was hit, cycling home from football practice, because I was too tired to collect him – hi-vis yellow
- Dinner for one – an always-lumpy, pale brown
- Despair – black, like the space between stars
(c) Richard Shury, 2018
Richard Shury is from New Zealand, but has been haunting London for some time now. He likes to travel, and dreams of writing professionally. Recently, he's had a few successes, which he hopes are the calm before a storm. Call him a part-time optimist.
Rich Keeble is an actor and voiceover artist. Recent Twitter posts regarding his appearances in commercials for Topcashback include: "he is literally the farmer off Shaun the Sheep", "he looks like some weird mutant with Gollum teeth", and "I wish he was dead". richkeeble.com
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