Liars' League

BigThick & Sally's Gnashers by Emma Grae

BigThick and Sally's Gnashers MP3  Read by Lois Tucker

The webcam rings. A customer’s waitin. Ah open ma top drawer, pullin oot a whip and nipple clamps. Here we go again. Ah make £2.50 a minute as an online dominatrix. Mair than ah ever made stackin shelves. Ah wis the first tae get the boot fae B&M when the lockdoon wis announced.           
            “Hey there,” ah say, twirlin ma hair fully-clothed.
            BigThick8756 is typing.
            “Do you like to bite?”
            “Ah sure dae.”
            “Can u show me your sharp teeth up close? xx”
            Ya dancer. Ah love a weirdo. This is a walk in the park compared tae fillin oot shitey online surveys fur a bit o extra cash, or askin folk tae donate tae watch ma comedy shows. Ma ex Bennie always said ah wisnae as funny as ah thocht ah wis.

The Baby by Irina Zahl

The Baby MP3

Read by Jennifer Aries

CONTENT NOTE Contains themes some readers may find distressing. 

We don't talk about the baby in our house. We are not in denial. We don’t neglect the baby. We don't pretend that the baby doesn't exist. It's just that my husband and I agreed early on that the baby would not rule our lives.

We don't completely ignore the baby, and now and then we say things like "Do you think the baby will like this?", "Do you think that'll be right for the baby's bedroom?", "Will the baby be OK to go on holiday with us? Don’t you think the flight is too long?"

We try not to buy too much for the baby. It's not easy because baby things – especially baby clothes and baby toys, like little bear suits and knitted bunnies and elephants with black button eyes – are so exceptionally cute. 

Quintet by Nora Thurkle

Quintet MP3

Read by Miranda Harrison

Before most of them dropped out or graduated, Annie shared a flat with four other girls. Their friendships were based on fragile foundations: late-night drunken oversharing, unhealthy sexual competition, the intensity of plunging together into adulthood.

Lydia had an eating disorder that was obvious to everyone but that no one mentioned. She had a big group of friends from home who would come and stay in the flat at short notice, who were friendly but lounged obstructively in the kitchen. She was infuriatingly kind and liked everyone, had a series of clearly suspect boyfriends who hung around sullenly, eating other people’s food. She was the one who emailed the landlord when the mouse infestation became critical or the shower sputtered to a stubborn halt for days, because she was the best at staying polite and reasoned. Annie loved Lydia. She had been a source of laughter, commiserations and short-term loans for several years.

Duck and Cover by Rosaleen Lynch

Duck and Cover MP3

Read by Lin Sagovsky

John Lennon ruined my life. It was the summer of 1971. ‘Imagine,’ he said. I did, and where did that get me and my kids? Not much further than my hometown, not very far in my education and no way closer to my dreams. College, in ‘71, was marches, boycotts and leaflets. We went to protests instead of classes, carried the placards, wore the T-shirts and covered ourselves in flowers, badges and pins. We flew banners and flags but kept them and our clothes safe from open flames. It was a perilous time, not just in Vietnam. And all we got for our troubles was thrown out of college, and less than ten years later Lennon got shot.

 

Come Away, O Human Child by Emily Tobin

Come Away O Human Child MP3

Read by Sarah Feathers

I was impatient for summer to begin but as soon as we arrived at the strange little house near the river I was bored. The days were long and uneven. My limbs ached and my eyelids were heavy. At night I’d hear my parents having sex through the bedroom wall and it made me want to drown myself. 

There had been a slip-up. My father had briefly started and ended an affair with a neighbour. I forget now who it was, but the pattern was always the same. A bristle of passion. A gasp of remorse. A plate thrown. A promise it would never happen again. The salve this time was a holiday at a rented house in a sedentary corner of the country.  

It was the hottest summer on record. It was always the hottest summer on record.

Fifty Feet Deep by Caroline von Schmalensee

Fifty Feet Deep MP3

Read by Sophie Morris-Sheppard

It should have known better. This pond had been hers for a very long time even by her species' reckoning, and there was no way its elders hadn't warned it. Any daredevil youngster who put their plump fingers into her domain could expect to have them bitten right off and fair do’s.

Jenny was sitting on the bottom of her pond with her prize, a boy who wouldn't be soft enough to eat comfortably for another two days. He was rich with fat and muscle — she'd had a nibble, of course, but he'd be better if she could wait. She might not have the time. 

The water felt what happened on land and told her. It sent her the vibrations of many people stomping on the ground between the pond's edge and her lean-to. It passed on movement and it refracted light. A flickering orange suggested the mob was burning her home.