Liars' League

Santa's Christmas Snowstorm by Alan Graham

Click to play SANTA'S CHRISTMAS SNOWSTORM

Read by Sarah Feathers

It was going to be my first Christmas in London. Far away from home and the family – and I was so excited. Back home, as the tradition of seasonal bickering between relatives kicked in, I’d try and hide in my old room with a glass of wine for company. But I’d always end up being located by my tipsy mother who’d interrogate me with her “friendly questions” about boyfriends and friends of mine who already had families.

 

Obviously 3 Believers by Darren Lee

Click to play OBVIOUSLY 3 BELIEVERS

Read by Paul Clarke

It's Christmas Eve. We are poolside, paralysed, poleaxed in the aftermath of another gig. I perch on the end of my lounger and do another line of coke. Images fuse together, coalescing into an acceptable form of clarity. A graceful blonde cuts like a blade through the water while the party festively debauch themselves around her. In the near-distance the illuminated letters of the Hollywood sign form my only link with reality. Through a filter of tinitus, underneath the narcotic chatter, I can hear what I think is our first album.  

 

About Christmas by Carolyn Eden

Click to play ABOUT CHRISTMAS

Read by Carrie Cohen

Oh God – how am I going to tell her?  About Christmas.  Come to think of it, God, the whole thing’s your fault.  So much trouble caused by your blasted son’s birthday!  Bloody Capricorns! Knickers, because of Ian I’ve started blaspheming. I’ve become a real old bat, blaming my son-in-law for absolutely everything from the price of peas to the rise of nationalism amongst the lower middle classes. 

But seriously, how am I going to tell her?  We’ve always spent Christmas day together.

 

First Foot by Brindley Hallam Dennis

Click to play FIRST FOOT

Read by Ben Crystal

I had a Scottish friend. She was a Socialist, an intellectual. Yet at New Year, which she called Hogmanay, she was very superstitious about who she would let over her threshold for the first time after the hour had struck. I remember her turning away a dog-faced, pale-skinned orphan once. Don’t you bring your muddy paws across this threshold, she said, trying to make it sound like a joke.  It was minus fifteen that winter, and the kids' yellow teeth were chattering, and he was rubbing his cold, white hands together, but he had nothing in his pocket by way of money, or of coal, and he had a thin red scarf around his throat that the wind whipped and made look like a ragged cut. When I remember Henry, I always think of that night.

 

Mr Frost by Liam Hogan

Click to play MR FROST

Read by Lin Sagovsky

When anyone asks – whether it’s Greenpeace chuggers or energy firms trying to sell me loft insulation – I tell them I’m not worried about Global Warming. They tut, and shake their heads, and as they turn away having dismissed me for the foolish woman I appear, I rub the numbed patch of whitened skin on the heel of my hand and think back to the coldest night I’ve ever known.

 

Snow & Stars stories for Tuesday December 10th

It's like Christmas has come early! Yes, no need to feel your presents: the stories for our Snow & Stars event next Tuesday 10th December have been chosen!

 

They feature Hollywood rock stars, anti-Fascist gardeners, frozen strangers, phantom hounds, tips on how to get out of a family Christmas and Santa Claus on a massive coke bender. The League Elves will also throw in free mince pies, a bumper Christmas book quiz, and more tinsel than is strictly sensible.

SNOW & STARS WINNING STORIES

About Christmas by Carolyn Eden
Santa's Christmas Snowstorm by Alan Graham
First Foot by Brindley Hallam Dennis 
Obviously Three Believers by Darren Lee
Mr. Frost by Liam Hogan

So pull up your sleigh to The Phoenix (address below) at 7pm on Tue Dec 10th and join us for our seasonal spectacular, in which our top authors and actors of the year will be announced, quiz questions will be asked, and secret surprises (well, books) will be pulled out of Santa's sack for the lucky winners!

 

Tickets cost £5 on the door (cash only, no advance booking) and seating is unreserved - so it's a good idea to get there a bit ahead of time if you want a good table. (NB - if you want to eat off the Phoenix's Festive Menu, it's best to pre-order your food by emailing [email protected] This shouldn't be necessary if you're having only one course, but better safe than sorry ...)

The venue is downstairs at:
The Phoenix Pub
37 Cavendish Square
London
W1G 0PP

The Phoenix is 5 minutes' walk from Oxford Circus tube station, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines. Map here