Liars' League

The Tale of Sylvie Weir by Victoria Finan

The Tale of Sylvie Weir MP3

Read by Claire Lacey

Did you ever hear the tale of the Weir twins? It was my mam who brought them into this world, back in 1900, when the old Queen were still alive. I were nowt but a lass myself, but Mam had already started taking me with her when the babbies came, to make up the hot water and to shout glad tidings to the dad, if he weren’t already half sozzled by the time baby’s head had crowned.

Of course, this time, what with it being Christmas Eve, it wasn’t just Mr Weir who were out at the pub, but Doctor Maury too. So when Mam shouted at me to run out and fetch the good doctor, I knew as I had a heck of a walk ahead of me, a mile and a half at least and that was before you even thought about the snow.

But I set off at quick speed, making out in the cold with nowt but a candle-lamp that quickly blew out at the first hint of a snowflake. By, but there weren’t roads then like there are now, I tell thee! Just cold, hard fields and me shoes with holes in the sole, but I made it to the Crown at last, though it felt fair like me hands were going to drop off.

Burning the Cat by Duncan Grimes

Burning the Cat MP3

Read by Alex Woodhall

Since Danny came out as gay six months ago his older sister Jane had shown more interest in spending him with him, like he was now a real person who could add some genuine value to her life. Danny felt their boundaries change almost overnight, as Jane shared more and more of her personal life with him. Her decision to dump Graham was just one of the things she shared.

“I feel I’ve tried everything,” she’d said.

“Tried everything after nine months?” Danny asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Jane paused, pretending that his comment made her consider something then concluded, “he’s been leaving more and more of his stuff around the flat, and today he said he wants to move in. I think living together is one thing I don’t need to try with that boy.” 

The Beijing by Ataya Kanji

The Beijing MP3

Read by Keleigh Wolf

We both loved to eat there, at The Beijing. It was close to the house where my dad grew up, and where my grandmother still lived, the six months of the year she was not in India. When my dad realised it was only the two of us home that night, he packed me up in the car. The décor of the restaurant hadn’t changed since I was a child, or I hadn’t noticed. The same Lazy-Susans spinning, the same black chairs padded with dull red suede. I was using chopsticks to catch at imaginary food when our dishes and my usual arrived, the chili chicken with peanuts. I steadily piled it onto my plate. I was nearly eighteen, and chatted away about starting university. How my brother would follow soon after, the two of us being so close in age. When I looked up, I saw the tears in my father’s eyes.

“Dad?”

When I was ten, I tripped on my grandmother’s fireplace grate, rusted and heavy. Her sari draped over her La-Z-Boy as she told me off, gold bangles swinging over her plump wrists and the mangalsutra on her chest. I wouldn’t stop crying. She complained to anyone who would listen that I was too soft. Told them I must have inherited this from my mother’s side of the family. To be fair, at this point neither of us knew my big toe was actually broken.

The Brotherhood of One by Mark Sadler

Brotherhood of One MP3

Read by Paul Clarke

It would have been helpful in the telling of this tale, if I still possessed a photograph that was taken during the summer of 1845. In addition to visually illustrating the personalities involved, I imagine that it was among the first photographs ever to have been taken anywhere in the world, and so held value as a historical curiosity. Alas, it was claimed, along with many other valuables and keepsakes, by the inferno that destroyed the east wing of Roxburgh Hall; the contents of a roaring fireplace having collapsed into one of the drawing rooms, while the entire household was at dinner. 

The photograph was taken on the beach at Saundersfoot, on the coast of Wales. I will describe the image for you, as it appears in my memory: A row of three boys, aged between nine and eleven years, and dressed in pirate costumes, are charging with brandished swords through knee-high tidal surf, in the manner of buccaneers who have recently disembarked from their ship and have taken to the shore in search of plunder.

Sisterhood of the Sea by Alan Graham

Sisterhood of the Sea MP3

Read by Sophie Morris-Sheppard

After two hungry months of waiting, I finally see it. A distant black dot on the horizon, moving slowly through the waves. I let out a sustained cry to alert my Sisters. Within seconds, they appear on all the rocks and crags around me. We are awake. And we are ready.

Having spied our quarry, I have the honour of leading our song. I modulate the single note of my alert cry into a simple melody. Around this my Sisters begin singing their own parts, weaving into the tune enticing harmonies.

Almost immediately, the song works. From my vantage point, I see the black dot change its course, and start moving towards us, increasing in size into its real shape is revealed. It is exactly what my Sisters and I were hoping for – a large sea-crossing vessel.  I increase the tempo of the song and my Sisters follow. And as if in response, our quarry accelerates towards us; the excitement we have poured into our song is clearly affecting its occupants.

 

Darling Amelia by Sam Carter

Darling Amelia MP3

Read by Suzanne Goldberg

My darling Amelia,

Affectionate greetings from Lower Brookmire – though I can hardly think you shall have time to read my letter, being so swept up in the dizzying world of balls, promenades, picnics, house-parties and all the other entertainments that London in the Season has to offer! However, Mama has desired me to acquaint you with the tidings, such as they are, from our little village; and thus I lift my pen.

It has been rather an eventful week, all told – Reverend Rammage has a fearful bad cold in the head: his sermon on Sunday was enlivened by an astonishing variety of coughs, throat-clearings, hoarseness and nasal detonations such that the text (Corinthians 10:13) was all but lost. Mama insists I reproduce it for you here, since London is a pit of vipers and she does not wholly trust Aunt Bertha’s guardianship of your moral welfare, especially if she’s seated near the punchbowl at a dance.

 

November event: BROTHERS & SISTERS, Tuesday 14th November

Love them or loathe them, you have to live with them - so this month we've got six stories of siblings for you to squabble over, from hired brothers to tribes of mermaids, via stoned Georgians, ghostly twins, dark family secrets and a surprising sibling love-triangle ... click here for the Facebook event & let us know if we'll see you there!

WINNING STORIES for BROTHERS & SISTERS

The Beijing by Ataya Kanji NEW AUTHOR, read by Keleigh Wolf 
The Brotherhood of One by Mark Sadler NEW AUTHOR, read by Paul Clarke
The Tale of Sylvie Weir by Victoria Finan NEW AUTHOR, read by Claire Lacey
Burning the Cat by Duncan Grimes NEW AUTHOR, read by Alex Woodhall
Sisterhood of the Sea by Alan Graham, read by Sophie Morris-Sheppard
Darling Amelia by Sam Carter, read by Suzanne Goldberg

Plus!
- Luxury handcrafted doublesided programmes! 
- Brand new books to win in our infamous, incomprehensible, impossible, irresistible book quiz!
- Two for one on burgers all night!
- Attractive and talented actors (and authors ... and Liars)

Tickets cost £5 on the door (cash only, tables can be reserved for parties of 5 or more by calling 07808 939535) and individual seating is first come first served - so best to get there a bit ahead of time if you want a good seat. (Accessibility note: access to the basement bar is via stairs - there's no lift, alas.)

The venue is downstairs at:
The Phoenix
37 Cavendish Square 
London 
W1G 0PP

(The Phoenix is five minutes' walk from Oxford Circus tube station, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines). Map here.