Liars' League

Aelwyd by Lianne Warr

Read by David Mildon (5th story in podcast, at 1hXXmin, here) *Aelwyd: Welsh for hearth, and for home.

Braith fills her lungs with the chill morning air, petrichor on the breeze. She avoids slipping on the icy path winding to the cottage doorstep (thanks to those sturdy legs; that broad, stomping gait). To her left, there is lavender — a solitary bee braving the frost. A gold-speckled moth flickers between the dwindling mint and hardy rosemary on her right. Raised in an underground world, Braith has yet to learn the names for perfumed plants, or creatures that flutter. Her fingers find their way to the moon of her scalp and worry at the few downy tufts left there. She takes another breath and paints on a smile, careful to cover her missing teeth.

Red Nose by Rhys Timson

Read by Zach Harrison (3rd story in podcast, at XXmin, here)

Hi. My name is Rudy, and I'm an alcoholic. It's been 364 days since my last drink, but I still worry about falling off the wagon. Or should that be sleigh? I've done that a few times, actually.

It isn't easy being sober in my line of work. I spend most of the year doing nothing. The months of idleness are hard on someone with my weaknesses. You know how the saying goes, the devil makes work for idle hooves. These past few years, I’ve been through some dark times — and I don’t just mean the polar night — but I feel that, slowly but surely, I’m clambering back up to the daylight.

The Visit by Marta Patiño

Read by Carrie Cohen (2nd story in podcast, at 16min 30s, here)

Cassandra could not explain why she was compelled to visit Chance House. Or why she had dreamt of the grand estate, seeming to know its every corner. She looked out from her bedroom window as stars clung to the waning night. The last fragments of a dream darted away like silver fish, replaced by a childhood memory of grey stone walls etched with moss, and a line of windows like a hound baring its teeth. Cassandra was practically a stranger to Chance House, her mother’s childhood home, though she knew well where the long driveway began. She scanned the lacework of trees, trying to locate the dwelling that lay beyond the fields and woods.

It was true the house had been in her thoughts of late. The property had lain empty for months, and had been recently inherited by Mr Kitto, who had left his mines in Northumberland to take up residence there. No doubt she was curious about meeting her cousins.

Looking for Matti by Grace Andreacchi

Read by Sarah Barlex (5th story in podcast, at 1hXXmin, here)

It was Christmas in Berlin. Lise had come alone on the train from London because there was no one who might have come with her. Everywhere in the streets the smell of burning, mingled with the sickly sweet odour of death. Piles of ash appeared solid as mountains but dissolved at the touch of a hand, collapsed in upon themselves, then scattered white wraiths of cloud upon the wind. In place of buildings were towers of broken rubble from which the wreckage of life protruded – a picture of an alpine landscape upon a half-burnt wall, a bathtub, white and glistening, swaying like an exotic fruit upon a stem of twisted lead piping, somebody’s leg still wearing half a pair of military trousers: further down the street, a pair of calcified boots. Lise was in Berlin, looking for Matti. The streets were nearly empty of people, the few she passed like evil ghosts swathed in black rags; thin and shivering, they stared after her with dull eyes.

Tripping the Light Fantastic by Matt Barnard

Read by Stephen Butterton (1st story in podcast, at XXmin, here)

When he got off at St Paul's, the station was deserted apart from a few discarded copies of the Evening Standard that skittered along the platform as the train pulled away. Earlier that night, it would have been packed, suits standing three deep, waiting to squeeze into trains already jammed with bodies. Now the only signs of life were the tiny brown packages that raced from the wall to the edge of the platform then disappeared over the side.

This is what Charlie wanted, for the whole City to be deserted so that he could go about his business undisturbed. It had taken months of planning, and he'd had to wait until exactly the right night, which happened to be a Friday in mid-December, bitterly cold but with almost no wind, which was the most important thing.

Christmas Show: HEARTH & HOME, Tue 12 Dec at The Wheatsheaf

 

 

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS EVENT TAKES PLACE UPSTAIRS AT THE WHEATSHEAF, FITZROVIA, NOT OUR USUAL VENUE OF THE PHOENIX

 

From glowing hearths to snowy bloodbaths, we've a stocking stuffed full of festive fiction for you to enjoy at our final event of the year, HEARTH & HOME, upstairs at the historic Wheatsheaf pub (25 Rathbone Place, just off Tottenham Court Road) at 7.30pm (doors at 6.30) on Tuesday 12th December.

 

Our six specially-written short stories will whisk you to war-torn Berlin, sinister mansion Chance House, and the worst pub in Ireland, and you can meet Welsh witches, secret base-jumpers and an alcoholic reindeer. PLUS there will be our usual epic literary quiz with brilliant books to win, and free mince pies for all!

 

WINNING STORIES for HEARTH & HOME

 

"Aelwyd" by Lianne Warr *NEW AUTHOR* read by David Mildon

 

"Looking for Matti" by Grace Andreacchi *NEW AUTHOR* read by Sarah Barlex

 

"The Visit" by Marta Patiño *NEW AUTHOR* read by Carrie Cohen (MVP Acting 2023)

 

"Red Nose" by Rhys Timson (MVP Writing 2023), read by Zach Harrison

 

"Tripping the Light Fantastic" by Matt Barnard, read by Stephen Butterton

 

"Donkey Tom" by David McGrath, read by Jamie Laird

 

Fancy coming along? The Wheatsheaf is smaller than our usual venue and tickets are STRICTLY LIMITED to 40 so if you want to come, please please do book your budget-friendly £5 tickets ASAP. 

 

SOLD OUT

Tuesday 12th December, 7.30pm, tickets £5 (doors open at 6.30pm)

Upstairs at The Wheatsheaf 
25 Rathbone Place (off Tottenham Court Road)

London, W1T 1JB

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

 

 

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS EVENT TAKES PLACE UPSTAIRS AT THE WHEATSHEAF, FITZROVIA, NOT OUR USUAL VENUE OF THE PHOENIX

 

From glowing hearths to snowy bloodbaths, we've a stocking stuffed full of festive fiction for you to enjoy at our final event of the year, HEARTH & HOME, upstairs at the historic Wheatsheaf pub (25 Rathbone Place, just off Tottenham Court Road) at 7.30pm (doors at 6.30) on Tuesday 12th December.

 

Our six specially-written short stories will whisk you to war-torn Berlin, sinister mansion Chance House, and the worst pub in Ireland, and you can meet Welsh witches, secret base-jumpers and an alcoholic reindeer. PLUS there will be our usual epic literary quiz with brilliant books to win, and free mince pies for all!

 

WINNING STORIES for HEARTH & HOME

 

"Aelwyd" by Lianne Warr *NEW AUTHOR* read by David Mildon

 

"Looking for Matti" by Grace Andreacchi *NEW AUTHOR* read by Sarah Barlex

 

"The Visit" by Marta Patiño *NEW AUTHOR* read by Carrie Cohen (MVP Acting 2023)

 

"Red Nose" by Rhys Timson (MVP Writing 2023), read by Zach Harrison

 

"Tripping the Light Fantastic" by Matt Barnard, read by Stephen Butterton

 

"Donkey Tom" by David McGrath, read by Jamie Laird

 

Fancy coming along? The Wheatsheaf is smaller than our usual venue and tickets are STRICTLY LIMITED to 40 so if you want to come, please please do book your budget-friendly £5 tickets ASAP. 

 

SOLD OUT

Tuesday 12th December, 7.30pm, tickets £5 (doors open at 6.30pm)

Upstairs at The Wheatsheaf 
25 Rathbone Place (off Tottenham Court Road)

London, W1T 1JB

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

 

 

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS EVENT TAKES PLACE UPSTAIRS AT THE WHEATSHEAF, FITZROVIA, NOT OUR USUAL VENUE OF THE PHOENIX

 

From glowing hearths to snowy bloodbaths, we've a stocking stuffed full of festive fiction for you to enjoy at our final event of the year, HEARTH & HOME, upstairs at the historic Wheatsheaf pub (25 Rathbone Place, just off Tottenham Court Road) at 7.30pm (doors at 6.30) on Tuesday 12th December.

 

Our six specially-written short stories will whisk you to war-torn Berlin, sinister mansion Chance House, and the worst pub in Ireland, and you can meet Welsh witches, secret base-jumpers and an alcoholic reindeer. PLUS there will be our usual epic literary quiz with brilliant books to win, and free mince pies for all!

 

WINNING STORIES for HEARTH & HOME

 

"Aelwyd" by Lianne Warr *NEW AUTHOR* read by David Mildon

 

"Looking for Matti" by Grace Andreacchi *NEW AUTHOR* read by Sarah Barlex

 

"The Visit" by Marta Patiño *NEW AUTHOR* read by Carrie Cohen (MVP Acting 2023)

 

"Red Nose" by Rhys Timson (MVP Writing 2023), read by Zach Harrison

 

"Tripping the Light Fantastic" by Matt Barnard, read by Stephen Butterton

 

"Donkey Tom" by David McGrath, read by Jamie Laird

 

Fancy coming along? The Wheatsheaf is smaller than our usual venue and tickets are STRICTLY LIMITED to 40 so if you want to come, please please do book your budget-friendly £5 tickets ASAP. 

 

SOLD OUT

Tuesday 12th December, 7.30pm, tickets £5 (doors open at 6.30pm)

Upstairs at The Wheatsheaf 
25 Rathbone Place (off Tottenham Court Road)

London, W1T 1JB

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

SOLD OUT

Tuesday 12th December, 7.30pm, tickets £5 (doors open at 6.30pm)

Upstairs at The Wheatsheaf 
25 Rathbone Place (off Tottenham Court Road)

London, W1T 1JB

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

SOLD OUT

Tuesday 12th December, 7.30pm, tickets £5 (doors open at 6.30pm)

Upstairs at The Wheatsheaf 
25 Rathbone Place (off Tottenham Court Road)

London, W1T 1JB

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

 

Nearest tubes: Tottenham Court Road (3 min) then Goodge Street (4 min) then Oxford Circus (6 min)

 

N.B. We DO now accept card payments on the door, but it's well worth booking a ticket in advance to ensure you get a table - just click here. Any questions? See below. 

 

Dear Puss by Donna Tracy

Read by Lisa Rose (fourth story in podcast, click here to play)

Justin chooses the house; an eighteenth-century cottage with exposed beams and inglenook fireplaces, and an acre of land so thick with trees that it can’t be seen from the road. He wants to be in before Christmas, and though most of the work is done before they move in, they can’t find anyone to fit the wood burners until December. When the workmen finally arrive, they assure Helen it won’t take long, and they’ll tidy up after themselves. She goes to make them tea and when she comes back, she finds the two men crouched on the floor looking at something.

‘Found this up the chimney,’ one says.

Helen leans down to get a better look, then recoils in disgust. ‘Ugh! What is it?’

‘Dead cat,’ the man says.

Trimmings by Mark Barlex

Read by Sarah Barlex (final story in podcast, click here to play)

Am I nervous? Of course. Am I scared? Absolutely. This place has been my life. It’s safe. There’s space to run, and a warm bed at night. I’ve got my friends. And Mr and Mrs Pickford, who look after us all, and are lovely. And there’s lots and lots of food!

Fraser, who eats more than any of us, says it’s the best we’ve ever had.

Terry, who can be difficult, says “Shut up, it’s all we’ve ever had.”

Fraser asks Terry when he’s going to start being nice.

Terry says, “When you stop talking out of your bum-hole.”

How to Build your Dreamhouse by Rhys Timson

Read by Paul Clarke (second story in podcast, here)

Congratulations on your new HomeGirl^TM Dreamhouse Construction Kit! We at HomeGirl^TM believe it makes the perfect Christmas gift for your young daughter, or perhaps even son! This is the modern age, after all.

Hi! My name’s Jim Bowson, and in this how-to video I’m going to tell you everything you need to know about building your perfect doll’s house. Well, perhaps not perfect. I mean, nothing is perfect. You can get that idea out of your head right away! You are only setting yourself up for bitter disappointment if you expect perfection from anything or anyone. The key thing is to do your best – even if, for certain people, that will never be good enough.

Tinseltown by Niall Boyce

Read by Keleigh Wolf (first story in podcast, here)

Here’s the thing about my line of work: my telephone rings when everyone else’s stops. Times like this: late night, Christmas Eve. Everyone other than me is tucked up in bed or out getting into trouble. I’m listening to carols on the radio and waiting for a call. There’s always a call.

‘Hey, Alex?’ The voice at the other end of the line wasn’t asking. It was gearing up to give orders.

‘That’s me,’ I said, anyway. ‘What can I do for you, Eddie?’

Eddie was the Chief Operating Officer at one of the big studios, which meant he was the fixer when things went wrong with their stars. He had a good reputation; too good, as it turned out. Whenever the reporters saw him show up anywhere, they knew something had gone wrong. So there was a lot of work for independent contractors like me.

A Cranium for Christmas by E. P. Henderson

Read by Lucy Mabbitt: listen to podcast here (third story)

The chanting rises to a frenzied, animal pulse, like an Army cadence call, or gorillas booming across humid jungles. “DOWN. IT! DOWN. IT!”

I shudder. They’ve all downed it. And now I’m last one standing. Fists pummel the table, startling the crested cutlery. The tinsel on the ancient, panelled walls trembles. “DOWN. IT! DOWN. IT! DOWN. IT!”

Wolf-howls, bird-screeches, war-cries. “Come on you pussy!” bellows Pog, rugby-top straining, face red as a beef-tomato. “DOWN IT!”

I raise the stolen traffic-cone, stare into its mixture of mulled wine, cider, curdled eggnog and mashed mince-pie. The name of this unearthly concoction is Santa’s Nutsack.

 

Latest event: HOPES & FEARS, Tuesday 13th December

Hopes! Fears! Elves! Turkeys! Skulls! Cats! Divorce!

... and all the other things that make Christmas so special. As usual, the festive season is a positive rollercoaster of emotions and our Hopes & Fears Christmas event gave one hell of a ride. We stuffed our stocking with Hollywood noir, skull-stealing students, escapologist turkeys, cats up chimneys, and quietly tragic YouTube instructional videos. And to top it off, there was a super bumper festive book quiz and FREE mince pies - all for a fiver! MVPs (Most Valuable Players) this year were Stephen Butterton (Acting) & Mark Barlex (Writing)

WINNING STORIES for HOPES & FEARS

Dear Puss by Donna Tracy *new author*, read by Lisa Rose

Trimmings by Mark Barlex, read by Sarah Barlez
How to Build your Dreamhouse by Rhys Timson, read by Paul Clarke
A Cranium for Christmas by E. P. Henderson, read by Lucy Mabbitt
Tinseltown by Niall Boyce, read by Keleigh Wolf

As for our literature-loving audience, it's at the Phoenix, Cavendish Square, W1 on Tuesday December 13th. Tickets are just £5 - full details below. We DO now accept card payments on the door but (especially for this Christmas event) it's well worth booking a ticket via Paypal in advance to ensure you get a table. And if you're an author or actor who has written or performed for us in 2022, there will be a free drink or two for you behind the bar ... bonus!

MVPs (Most Valuable Players) this year were Stephen Butterton (Acting) & Mark Barlex (Writing). Congratulations to both!

HOPES & FEARS: CHRISTMAS STORIES

Tuesday 13th December, 7.30pm (doors open at 6.30pm)
The Phoenix basement bar
37 Cavendish Square, London, W1G 0PP

(nearest tube Oxford Circus)

 

There's NO tube strike on 13 Dec but some lines (Overground, Elizabeth, District) may be affected by rail strikes

 

Tickets are £5: to book, please click here. Questions? See below.

Hopes! Fears! Elves! Turkeys! Skulls! Cats! Divorce!

... and all the other things that make Christmas so special. As usual, the festive season is a positive rollercoaster of emotions and our Hopes & Fears Christmas event gave one hell of a ride. We stuffed our stocking with Hollywood noir, skull-stealing students, escapologist turkeys, cats up chimneys, and quietly tragic YouTube instructional videos. And to top it off, there was a super bumper festive book quiz and FREE mince pies - all for a fiver! MVPs (Most Valuable Players) this year were Stephen Butterton (Acting) & Mark Barlex (Writing)

WINNING STORIES for HOPES & FEARS

Dear Puss by Donna Tracy *new author*, read by Lisa Rose

Trimmings by Mark Barlex, read by Sarah Barlez
How to Build your Dreamhouse by Rhys Timson, read by Paul Clarke
A Cranium for Christmas by E. P. Henderson, read by Lucy Mabbitt
Tinseltown by Niall Boyce, read by Keleigh Wolf

As for our literature-loving audience, it's at the Phoenix, Cavendish Square, W1 on Tuesday December 13th. Tickets are just £5 - full details below. We DO now accept card payments on the door but (especially for this Christmas event) it's well worth booking a ticket via Paypal in advance to ensure you get a table. And if you're an author or actor who has written or performed for us in 2022, there will be a free drink or two for you behind the bar ... bonus!

MVPs (Most Valuable Players) this year were Stephen Butterton (Acting) & Mark Barlex (Writing). Congratulations to both!

HOPES & FEARS: CHRISTMAS STORIES

Tuesday 13th December, 7.30pm (doors open at 6.30pm)
The Phoenix basement bar
37 Cavendish Square, London, W1G 0PP

(nearest tube Oxford Circus)

 

There's NO tube strike on 13 Dec but some lines (Overground, Elizabeth, District) may be affected by rail strikes

 

Tickets are £5: to book, please click here. Questions? See below.

HOPES & FEARS: CHRISTMAS STORIES

Tuesday 13th December, 7.30pm (doors open at 6.30pm)
The Phoenix basement bar
37 Cavendish Square, London, W1G 0PP

(nearest tube Oxford Circus)

 

There's NO tube strike on 13 Dec but some lines (Overground, Elizabeth, District) may be affected by rail strikes

 

Tickets are £5: to book, please click here. Questions? See below.

An Irish Christmas by David McGrath

Pssst ... Resolved to submit more stories this year? Head over to our brand new 2021 themes to see what we're looking for!

Read by the author - Full podcast here

As a young woman, old Mrs Coogan reloaded rifles in the War of Independence and ran ammunition for the Flying Column of the Third Brigade. She took a bullet to the shoulder from a British Vickers machine gun for her efforts. She was heralded as the brave epitome of the new Irish republic, and missed her image featuring on the nation’s first five pound note by only two committee votes.

Lookin Up by Emma Grae

Read by Lois Tucker - Full podcast here

Lockdoon turbo relationships. That’s whit they call it. Ye finally cross pass wi somewan guid, and then boom - Big Boris tells ye tae stay at hame.

“Fancy gettin a hotel?” ah text the fella ah’ve ainlie met twice. Boozers shut at ten, and a few hoors o chat wisnae gonnae be enough fur us. The prices o rooms are oan their arse because o lockdoon two.

“Aye,” he replies, no hinkin twice aboot it.

“Smashin. Meet ye by the station in an hoor?”

“Aye. Cannae wait! x”

Ah’ve gat Mark Zuckerberg tae thank fur this wan. This fella gied me a compliment oan the auld Facebook, and ah replied tellin him that he made a hot wumman. It wis true. That body swap filter is sommat else.

Last Christmas by Rhys Timson

Pssst ... Resolved to submit more stories this year? Head over to our brand new 2021 themes to see what we're looking for!

Read by Tony Bell - Full podcast here

Twenty-five feet wouldn’t kill him, especially given the blanketing of snow. He’d probably break something though, maybe a leg or an arm. Still, just a few more inches along the roof and he’d be able to reattach the wire. He was flat against the concrete tiles, his feet propped up by the guttering, sliding himself along towards the animatronic Santa and his reindeer, currently dark and motionless atop the ridge. He was holding the cable between his teeth while he dug his fingers into the gaps. Probably not the safest way to carry a high-voltage electrical wire, but fuck it, it wouldn’t be Christmas without Santa and his levitating caribou.

A Pear for an Urchin by David Turnbull

Read by Claire Louise Amias - Full podcast here

The drone dropped down to examine the strange green object the droid held in his rubberised gripper. She was buffeted slightly by the winter wind that was swirling eddies of dust amongst the ivy-clad debris.

“What’s that you have there?” asked the drone.

The solar powered engine of the droid hummed in baritone monotony.

“It’s a pear,” he replied.

Red diodes flickered on the drone’s LED display as she searched the cloud for a definition. “A fruit!” she exclaimed when the answer revealed itself. “A seed bearing structure which once grew on trees.”

My favourite Christmas story: Mike Clarke on Posy Simmonds's "Cassandra Darke"

My Christmas story is both very new and very old.

It’s new because the book, Cassandra Darke by Posy Simmonds, was only published on 1^st November this year (sorry, only a few sample pages can be found online). It’s old because it’s inspired by (if not a faithful reworking of) the classic seasonal story, Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol.

Cassandra Darke is also a graphic novel. Actually, novel might be pushing it a little as, at under 100 pages, it can be read in the time it would take a long short story. But it is told mostly with pictures – and wonderful ones they are too.

Cassandra herself is a curmudgeon on a par with Ebenezer Scrooge – a wealthy septuagenarian West London art gallery owner. She’s as mean towards others as Dickens's protagonist, but her solitary Sloane Square existence is considerably more indulgent – she has a cook (whom she reprimands for being “heavy handed with the dill”) and polishes off bottles of Chateau Haut Brion during weekday dinners.

My Favourite Seasonal Story: Rachel Karyo on Shelley Jackson's "Snow"

Rachel Karyo writes: This short story is written in snow, one or two words at a time, photographed, and then published on Instagram. Shelley Jackson has been writing “Snow” (now in its twelfth sentence) since 2014. The story is still in progress.

William H. Gass writes that when we read works by authors such as Kafka, Beckett, Barth, and Borges, it’s “as if we’d stepped into a two-pound puddle of mirror glass and come out as wet as Alice.” This is how it feels to read a Shelley Jackson short story.

Her prose is graceful, playful, inventive, and poetic. An example: “There are snows made of clock faces and circular slide rules, of maps to undiscovered countries, of the shattered breath clouds of those who have cried out for help unheard on a clear winter day.” I love the beautiful strangeness of “shattered breath clouds,” the paradox of the map, those unexpected, evocative, analogue objects, and the music of the sentence, its consonance and repetition.

My Favourite Christmas Story: Mark Sadler on Saki's (H. H. Munro's) "Reginald on Christmas Presents"

Reginald, the narrator of this short meditation on unwanted seasonal gifts, wastes absolutely no time at all in stating that he does not want a "George, Prince of Wales" Prayer-book as a Christmas present. In this opening sentence Saki uncannily identifies a trend that has endured for over a century since the story was first published. The author was a casualty of the battle of Ancre in 1916, where he fell prey to a sniper's bullet, and sadly did not live to see the better world that followed the war, where no-one would ever think of gifting a loved one a copy of a "George, Prince of Wales" Prayer-book without being expressly asked to do so.

Equally enduring is Reginald's account of the dread that accompanies the arrival of a tie from a well-meaning, country-dwelling, female relative - “some spotted horror that you could only wear in secret or in Tottenham Court Road”. As with the "George, Prince of Wales" Prayer-book, the undesirable nature of such a gift is as relevant in 2018 as it was when these words were first committed to paper.

Christmas event: NAUGHTY & NICE at The Albany on Tue Dec 11th

We made our list, we checked it twice ... and here are the winning stories which were read at our tinsel-tastic Christmas show NAUGHTY & NICE (click for Facebook event) on Tuesday December 11th, downstairs at The Albany, Great Portland Street. We had seasonal shoplifting, sexy sourdough, kidnapped presents, one VERY naughty little girl and what happens when Santa meets the Special Forces ...

UPDATE: All the videos from the night are now up on our Naughty & Nice YouTube playlist and the texts and podcast will be online very soon. 

WINNING STORIES for NAUGHTY & NICE

Christman's Present by Lauren van Schaik NEW AUTHOR - read by Lois Tucker

 

Santa: Judgement Day by Dennis Zaslona NEW AUTHOR - read by Rich Keeble

    

Mr Cromerty of Boston by Richard Smyth - read by David Mildon

 

The Man who brought Gold by Mark Sadler - read by Sophie Cartman

 

Gluten Tolerant by Mike Clarke - read by Amy Neilson Smith
 

As usual, doors open at 7pm for a 7.30 start and tickets are £5 on the door (cash only, sorry, but there is a cashpoint across the street). Drinks and food will be available at the bar, though there are also free sweets and the infamous interval quiz features fabulously festive books to be won! There's no pre-booking, but tables for four or more can be reserved by calling 07808 939535.

The venue is the downstairs bar at:

The Albany
240 Great Portland Street
London W1W 5QU

My Favourite Christmas Story: Katy Darby on David Sedaris's "Santaland Diaries"

I first discovered David Sedaris's hilarious mini-collection of Christmas-inspired stories, Holidays on Ice, in a charity shop for 50p: it was a worthwhile investment as that year I bought new copies for pretty much everyone I knew. It's still a go-to stocking-filler for any friend with a pulse and a sense of humour.

The blurb should give you an idea of the general style:
"Holidays on Ice collects six of David Sedaris's most profound Christmas stories into one slender volume perfect for use as a last-minute coaster or ice scraper. This drinking man's companion can be enjoyed by the warmth of a raging fire, the glow of a brilliantly decorated tree, or even in the backseat of a van or police car. It should be read with your eyes, felt with your heart, and heard only when spoken to. It should, in short, behave much like a book. And, oh, what a book it is!"