Liars' League

The Glorious Count by Alan Graham

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Read by Tony Bell

It was only when Princess Nadya arrived at the Palace that Count Albrecht Schmarkov realised he probably needed to revise his strategy. He took the business card he had prepared for the evening from his breast pocket and re-read it to himself:

“To the Fortunate Lady On Whom This Card Has Been Bestowed: Major-General Count Albrecht Schmarkov has, with the issuance of this card, notified you that he has been somewhat taken by your charms and would be most desirous that you seek to arrange an audience, at a time of his convenience, so that the extent of the liaison can be ascertained.”

The Maiden Voyage of Walter Pizarro by Rob Hawke

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Read by Cliff Chapman

A stormy night, west of Plymouth.  A merchant ship bound for the Americas, the Paititi, is hurled aground by hurricane winds.  Helicopters swoop in to save the crew as waves plunder the wreckage.  Frenzied gulls wheel around the sinking ship. Along nearby beaches looters appear, waiting for containers to be washed ashore.    

The Bird Machine by Amber Lee Dodd

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Read by Miranda Harrison

The bar-tailed godwit has one of the longest nonstop migration flights.

It’s funny what springs to mind on a long drive, but then everything about Henry’s drive is rather unusual. The road is one he knows well but hasn’t had the occasion to travel. The car lurches to the side as it hits a pothole and jerks Henry out of a daze. He is surprised to discover himself here. He had intended to drive home, but finds himself instead at the old industrial estate. The factory he busied twenty years with rises up from the skyline.

Me and Beyonce by David McGrath

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Read by David McGrath

I was there because of my girlfriend at the time. She loved Beyoncé - had a girl-crush on her ever since Destiny’s Child. Beyoncé was her hope and aspiration - a sexy, talented, adored, independent, rich woman doing it all on her own terms.

‘She only hires women for her band,’ my girlfriend said.

‘Bit sexist,’ I said.

The Importance of Being Oscar by Diane Payne

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Read by Clive Greenwood

“There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about” – Lord Alfred Douglas

Teddington, 1920

I am four years older now than Oscar was when he died. It’s a queer thing, to outlive one’s own fame. And fame it was, once, though notoriety, indeed infamy, is what it became. I shared Oscar’s infamy – though not his disgrace – in full after the scandal broke, and I daresay I should not like to attract that sort of attention again, which is why I live quietly and anonymously in Teddington these days.

The Last Thing Ever Lost by James Smyth

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Read by Peter Noble

It’s seven forty-four, which is fine because we said eight o’clock. I didn’t want to be late, but I didn’t want to be too early either. The pub is quiet, and I choose a secluded table in the corner. It has a rose in a jar on it, which I think is a nice touch. I order a half of bitter at the bar and take it back to my table.

Almost Visible Cities: Iduba by Gregory Norminton

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Read by Nicky Diss

Almost Visible Cities: Iduba is taken from the OneWorld short story anthology Beacons. All profits go to Stop Climate Chaos. It is author Gregory Norminton's homage to Italo Calvino's classic Invisible Cities.

Cities & the Desert · 1

The best way to approach Iduba is by sea, and that reclining on deck half asleep after a meal, for only by mistaking it for a dream can the mind accept what the eye perceives. The masters of Iduba, in founding their city on the coast of a vast and featureless desert, appear to have forgotten the story of Babel, for the buildings they have commissioned rise as if they would escape the earth which is the destiny of all our endeavours.

Hope & Glory stories for Tuesday 9th July

This month's HOPE & GLORY event is next Tuesday 9th July, so let patriotic pride swell in your breast as you look on the green and pleasant lands of our winning stories, which feature bears, treasure-hunters, counts, mysterious hatchings, Oscar Wilde and Beyonce. And of course there's also the usual fiendish book quiz, bargain wine, etc. all for £5 on the door. (Where do I go?) Here's the Facebook event - tell us you're coming and we'll look forward to seeing you there.

HOPE & GLORY WINNING STORIES
The Maiden Voyage of Walter Pizarro by Rob Hawke *NEW AUTHOR*, read by Cliff Chapman
The Bird Machine by Amber Lee Dodd *NEW AUTHOR*, read by Miranda Harrison
The Glorious Count by Alan Graham, read by Tony Bell
The Importance of Being Oscar by Diane Payne, read by Clive Greenwood
The Last Thing Ever Lost by James Smyth, read by Peter Noble
Me and Beyonce by David McGrath, read by the author

Plus we'll have a special guest mini-story by Gregory Norminton (read by Nicky Diss) taken from Beacons, an anthology of stories imagining the near future: all royalties go to climate change charity Stop Climate Chaos. It's a very nicely produced book full of excellent fiction, a bargain at £8.99, and can be purchased via the link above. Even better, it's edited by LL alum Gregory Norminton, and features authors including Alasdair Gray, Joanne Harris, Toby Litt & A. L. Kennedy.

DEADLINES:

Sun 7 July: Send us (LL London) your short stories of 2000 words or fewer on a Life & Limb theme - [email protected]

Sat 13 July: Liar Liam appears at Dalston Oxjam.
Mon 15 July: Spread the Word Writing Prize - £1000 to win!
Tue 16 July: Liars’ League Presents Granta 124: Travel Our actors read new work by Dave Eggers, Swedish author Lina Wolff & more: 7pm The Betsey Trotwood, 56 Farringdon Road, London EC1R 3BL. £7 on the door only, tickets include a copy of Granta 124. RSVP to [email protected] to reserve your place.
31 July: Wells Literature Festival Poetry & Short Story comps: check out http://www.wellslitfest.org.uk/flyer.pdf
31 July: The Virginia Prize for Fiction is open to any woman over 18 with an unpublished novel. More here.

31 August: Liars' League New York needs tales of Teachers & Students, 800-2500 words; send to [email protected]
23 September: Mslexia's Women's Novel Competition for unpublished female writers in any genre. See www.mslexia.co.uk/novelcompetition for details.

OTHER STUFF:
Liars' League Hong Kong has new videos up from their Sink & Swim night - including murder, magic goldfish, shoplifters & dishwashers!
LL alum and short story prize collector extraordinaire Sammy Wright has an ebook out at www.galleybeggar.co.uk - this story has won TONS already. Buy it. It's only 99p.
Two LL writers, Cherry Potts & David McGrath, are appearing with Spread the Word at Towersey Festival! http://www.towerseyfestival.com/artists/spread-the-word