Liars' League

Jailbreak by Steve Moran

Jailbreak MP3

Read by Lin Sagovsky

Stupid, pure stupid I was. I don't even want to talk about it. O Lord Jesus forgive me for all the effing and blinding I did to that shower of miserable bitches. I rue the day I ever agreed to help them. I knew, I knew. It was against my better judgement. Take my advice, if you're inside and you only have a month to go, don't even talk to anyone, just keep yourself to yourself.

 

The H-Meister Gets Hitched (a tale of Prince Harry) by Quintin Forrest

The H-Meister Gets Hitched MP3

Read by Alex Woodhall

Kelvin MacKenzie, who used to edit The Sun, The Currant Bun (or The Cunt, as we used to call it round the Buck House breakfast table; unusually, even the QE2 was okay with the term), had this to say about us royals:

'They live in castles, they have eight weeks off in the summer, they don't work, none of them has the slightest idea what it's like to be in competition at the office ….'

     

Crime of Passion by Michael Skansgaard

Crime of Passion MP3

Read by Silas Hawkins 

Mayor Quintana scrutinized the bedsheet with a forensic rigour usually reserved for dead bodies. He held it up to the light, forehead wrinkled in solidarity with the soiled linen. Ten minutes later, his verdict was ready.

“Gabby,” he called—“Gabby! There's a big red fucking stain in the middle! You realise that, don't you?”

Gabriela rolled her eyes. “Let me wash it. Magdalena will just make it worse by using citrus.”

“Nobody's washing anything,” said the mayor, handing the bedsheet to the bailiff to be entered into evidence.

 

Rated by Matthew Harrison

Rated MP3

Read by Carrie Cohen

Rick took deep breaths and tried to steady his shaking limbs, wanting desperately not to let himself go.  He had prepared himself for this, but now that the time had come it was just overwhelming.  In his distress, he hardly noticed that the little man in black was speaking to him. 

With an “Ahem,” the man persisted.  “There’s just one little formality before we, ah, proceed…”

 

Mercy Road by Liam Hogan

Mercy Road MP3

Read by Jim Cogan

“What are you?” the old woman asked as darkness muscled in on our campfire. I’d met her on the road an hour before dusk, adjusted my pace to match. Offered to help carry her load, though she’d laughed at that. It was only when she was searching for firewood that I found out why. Her tattered canvas bags were filled with nothing more than bulbs stripped from car headlamps, each one tenderly wrapped in a rag.

Next event: Justice & Mercy, Tuesday 8th March

 

Order in court! 

 

The written evidence has been examined in the case of JUSTICE & MERCY, and our judges have picked out a criminally good line-up for you on Tuesday 8th March at The Phoenix. But if you can't wait a week for your fiction fix, you can benefit from early release of the videos, podcast & texts of February's Clean & Dirty tales (NSFW ...)

 

JUSTICE & MERCY WINNING STORIES

 

Crimes of Passion by Michael Skansgaard *NEW AUTHOR*

Jailbreak by Stephen Moran *NEW AUTHOR*

Rated by Matthew Harrison *NEW AUTHOR*

The H-Meister Gets Hitched by Quintin Forrest 

Judgement Day by James Smyth

Mercy Road by Liam Hogan

 

This month we've got disputed virginity and disgraced royalty, absconding prisoners, eager-to-please executioners, a taste of post-apocalyptic justice, and the thoughts of an actual fly on the wall, plus our merciless book quiz and of course the chance to judge our chosen stories for yourself. Entry costs a bargain £5 (cash only) and the doors open at 7pm for a 7.30 start as usual. Click on the Facebook event to see more details and let us know if you're coming! (Venue address below).

 

DEADLINES & MORE!

 

- Hear that? It's the sound of the deadline for our 100th event, Hundreds & Thousands, approaching fast! As a one-off special we're looking for flash fiction of 100 or 1000 words ONLY, on any topic (though as it's also our 9th birthday, stories featuring numbers, birthdays or anniversaries would be great). Send up to three Drabbles (stories of exactly 100 words excluding title) or one 1000-worder to [email protected] by THIS SUNDAY 6th MARCH. Full guidelines here. 

 

- You wait ages for a new League, then two come along at once ... Last month we welcomed Liars' League PDX, based in Portland, Oregon, to the LL family; now it's the turn of Liars' League Blackpool! Their debut is April 21st, themed on Bed & Breakfast: subs deadline is Sunday 13th March and guidelines are here. 

 

- Taylz is a new resource for short story writers where authors submit and review one another's work anonymously. As an idea, it's all killer, no filler, and a great way to improve your writing with the help of objective feedback - plus it's FREE. Find out more & sign up here. 

 

WHERE & WHEN?

All our events are held at 7.30pm (doors open at 7pm) on the second Tuesday of every month downstairs at:

The Phoenix (click here for map)
37 Cavendish Square
London W1G 0PP
The Phoenix is a five-minute walk from Oxford Circus tube, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo & Central lines.