Liars' League

The Elephant in the Tower by David McGrath

CLICK TO PLAY The Elephant in the Tower

Read by Ed Cooper Clarke

Aaaah! J’adore the smell of Poissy in the morning, this little place on the outskirts of Paris, the birthplace of kings, the birthplace of my king, Louis IX, my master, mon amour, ma raison. Poissy exudes royalty, its perfectly pleached hedges, its aroma of oils and spice, tabac et parfum, its fine Dukes and Counts in tailored silks, debating philosophie and art on the lawns to the sound of a soft harp. Even Poissy’s sunshine is somehow regal, its air noble, its water majestic … Oh, bon matin garcons, ou est mon petit dejeuner? Attend … wait … arretez, stop … get your hands off me! … Where are we going? Louis! Louis! They are taking me! Unhand me, sir! Louis!

Wrecked by Richard Meredith

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Read by Zoë Gardner

It was when our cruise ship upended, burst into oily black flames, and finally sank that I really started to worry. Duncan, my companion in the lifeboat, who’d been filming everything on his iPhone, muttering about YouTube gold, sucked his teeth like a larcenous plumber and stared across at me with a hint of satisfaction.

“Looks like it’s just you and me now.”

Chaperones by David Lewis

CLICK TO PLAY Chaperones

Read by Silas Hawkins

Certain faces fit certain activities. What kind of face does a person who works with gay kids have? Generally female or feline. Mine, I can admit, is bovine. At my son Justin’s gay prom, I’ll be a bull in a chino shop. I told him that one. No reaction. Once he came out, I swear the laughing died. Charity had volunteered. They needed us. Tulsa schools have a legal minimum of adult chaperones for an under-eighteen dance; Justin’s support group didn’t have enough coordinators. Our son didn’t care about numbers; he didn’t want us there. According to him, our job was to dissolve into the wall. That upset Charity until she decided it applied exclusively to me.

Comeback Special by E. P. Henderson

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Read by Lin Sagovsky

Mediumship isn’t something you do for the money. It’s something you can’t help doing, and frankly, the pay’s crap. That’s why I work out of my flat above the Paradise Nail Bar on New Cross Road: I can’t afford a proper office. Besides, most of my clientele come to me by word-of-mouth, just like Marina. Marina was younger than my average client, and extremely earnest. She was also very eager to speak to Elvis Presley.

The Queen's Safety by Cherry Potts

 CLICK TO PLAY The Queen's Safety

 Read by Greg Page

Beatriz is sitting in the garden, under a tree, playing with the horn cups that fit so neatly inside one another, and can be made to stack into towers, so delightful to knock back down. The cups are scattered across the rug her playmate brought to protect them from the damp. The playmate is saying something about when she was a child. Beatriz cannot imagine the playmate was ever a child, great hulking thing; but her breasts are warm and accommodating, so she nods as though she understands, and begins to gather the cups together.

Then the man arrives, and makes her playmate cry.

Why are you crying?

You are an orphan now, my lady.

Beatriz does not know what an orphan is, but she cries too, anyway.

Stories for KINGS & QUEENS, Tue 11 June

Sound the trumpets and fire the cannon, for the heirs to the fiction throne have been named! In other words, we've selected the winning stories for our June Kings & Queens event, and we think you'll find them royally entertaining ...

There's an odd-couple shipwreck, an LGBT prom, a betrayed royal mistress, a visit from Elvis and a gay, alcoholic French elephant who is worth the admission all on his own.

KINGS & QUEENS WINNING STORIES
Comeback Special by E. P. Henderson
Chaperones by David Lewis *NEW AUTHOR*
The Elephant in the Tower by David McGrath
The Queen's Safety by Cherry Potts
Wrecked by Richard Meredith

The event on Tuesday 11th June will begin at 7.30pm (doors at 7pm) downstairs at:
The Phoenix (click here for map)
37 Cavendish Square
London W1G 0PP
(5 mins from Oxford Circus tube - Victoria, Bakerloo & Central lines)

Tickets are £5 on the door and include a programme, 20% off bottles of wine, and the infamous half-time literary quiz in which you can win free books!