LIARS' LEAGUE BLACKPOOL
Liars' League Blackpool staged their first event in April 2016. The theme was Bed & Breakfast and you can find videos of all the stories here. Their director is Holly Boson. They accept stories of 700-2000 words and their website is here.
LIARS' LEAGUE LEEDS
One upon a time there was a writer called Richard Smyth who ran Liars' League Leeds, which performed many excellent stories up North until Richard got all busy writing a novel, so he took some time off. LL Leeds is now a pop-up night - their most recent event was Ladies & Gentlemen (click the event title to watch the videos).
The legacy of their first flowering lives on below, too: MP3s, some videos and full texts of the stories from events in 2011 and 2012, including North & South, Down & Out, Fire & Brimstone, Rhythm & Blues, Peace & Goodwill, Up & Running and Liars & Thieves are below, so read on!
MAY 2012: LIARS & THIEVES VIDEOS
LIARS & THIEVES LINE-UP
Meltdown by Susan Carey
Underground by Liam Hogan
The Recidivist by Esther Cleverly
The Royden Dreadnought by Dan Gillen
We've got a pensioner with a past, a boxer with a secret, a father with itchy feet, a Mexican morality tale and a cop-turned-robber - all brought to life by our troupe of amazing actors.
They're all here in a handy YouTube playlist: just click and enjoy!
Liars' League Leeds, Liars & Thieves videos
FEBRUARY 2012: BIRDS & BEES VIDEOS
(All the stories will be online soon in text and video format, but in the mean time please enjoy these three great videos from the fine actors of LL Leeds)
Momma’s Talkin’ T’me At Where I Could Be Workin’ in West Point, Monrovia by Robert Power, read by Rose Condo
Manny's Affair, by Skeeze Whitlow, read by Frederick Aarons
Aviarist vs. Apiarist by Peter Etherington, read by Penny Lamport
JANUARY 2012: UP & RUNNING STORIES
(NB: for space reasons, we only post a taster of each story - to watch a video of our LL actor or actress reading the story in question, click on the first link - to read the full text, click on the second link to download the story as a Word document).
God
by James Smyth
“Have you ever thought about going out for a run?” says Ted, stretching his groin right there in front of me on the living room carpet. “Just a short one – up and down the hill a couple of times.” He takes huge, dramatic breaths – in through the nose out through the mouth – and starts jogging on the spot, lifting his knees up as though he’s trying to connect with his own chin. “Probably do you the world of good.”
Click to watch GOD, read by Stephen Bellamy
I Love You Too, Toots
by Denrele Ogunwa
“There's a naked man on that roof,” says Steve, pointing languidly towards the building opposite from his vantage point at the window of the Soho loft apartment we are currently in. Neither of us knows exactly whose apartment it is. We pretty much crashed the party.
Click to watch I LOVE YOU TOO, TOOTS, read by Rose Condo
Download I Love You Too, Toots by Denrele Ogunwa
The Hairiness of the Long-Distance Runner
by Paul Robinson
Timothy Hartford, though lean and otherwise healthy, was, by anyone’s standards, an incredibly unfit boy. Running a mile without keeling over, breathless and nauseous, was quite beyond him. Indeed, running a hundred metres to the shop was enough to have him wheezing like a punctured bellows.
Click to watch THE HAIRINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE RUNNER, read by Frederick Aarons
Download The Hairiness Of The Long-distance Runner by Paul Robinson
Up and Running
by Reece Abbott
It was a shame about Cashman. I knew him like a brother, not that it did either of us much good in the end.
I'd left him for dead a few days before and going to crash with old mates had been one of my better instincts lately. I was back out of the blue after a rough trot – and being mates, that meant no questions asked. And first hint of the net closing, I'd have to move on again.
Click to watch UP AND RUNNING, read by Madeleine Thorne
Download Up and Running by Reece Abbott
Man from the Moon
by Steve McCubbin
‘Come on Mr Noozepaper man, he’s not gonna bite you. He just wants to introdooce himself.’ I am quaking. Legs like jelly. Facing me, across the kitchen, is an animal of a man with snarling teeth and rolling eyes. And his pet, Harvey, a six-foot alligator. Harvey is ice still. An assassin. Ready to strike. He sits at the feet of his master, Frankie Donotti. Big, 21-stone, Frankie. Sea-blue Hawaiian shirt. Hair, bright red. Out of a bottle. Spiky short. Not your usual ex-astronaut.
Click to watch MAN FROM THE MOON, read by Jamie Mottershaw
Download Man From The Moon by Steve McCubbin
DECEMBER 2011: PEACE & GOODWILL STORIES
The Gift
by Niall Boyce
Jesus Christ was not a particularly good-looking baby. He was not as he appears in paintings: no beatific gazes, no pacifying effect on animals, and he definitely didn’t glow in the dark. Am I confusing you? I don’t mean to. I was confused myself. As I said to the Angel Gabriel as we sat in the restaurant of the Premier Inn, Heathrow, him with the penne pasta and me with the beer-battered cod and chips, “I’m confused. I’m very confused indeed.”
(Click the grey box to listen to Stephen Bellamy's live reading of The Gift)
Download The Gift by Niall Boyce
All I Ever Wanted
by James Smyth
It began, insomuch as there could ever be said to have been a beginning in the tribulations of George Abbot, with a treehouse.
“We want a treehouse, Dad,” said the kids. “You must build us one.”
George sighed and put down his book. It was called Single Malts of the Inner Hebrides, and he had just been getting to the good bit.
LLL Dec 11 - All I Ever Wanted
(Click the grey box to listen to Jane Hollington's live reading of All I Ever Wanted)
Download All I Ever Wanted by James Smyth
Gone Midnight
by Cherry Potts
Helen rubbed fretfully at her bleary eyes. She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. It took an age for anyone to answer, she had to ring three times before the neighbours’ younger son, Matt, pulled the door open. He was laughing, turned slightly away, to speak to someone behind him, and he still had a big grin on his face as he focussed in on Helen, on his doorstep, Paul’s duffle coat pulled round her pyjamas.
(Click the grey box to listen to Madeleine Thorne's live reading of Gone Midnight)
Download Gone Midnight by Cherry Potts
Silent Night
by Liam Hogan
It was the night that all was silent.
In homes across the country, people cowered beneath their Christmas trees. Only real ones would do – the pine scent masking their fear. The trees groaned with brightly coloured baubles – the more the better, to try and confuse Santa’s sensors. It used to be said, that he knew if you were naughty or nice, that he’d come for you if you had been bad, but the truth was much simpler. Any noise, any movement, anything that gave away your hiding place, and that would be that.
(Click the grey box to listen to Frederick Aarons's live reading of Silent Night)
Download Silent Night by Liam Hogan
Never Knowingly
by Joan Taylor-Rowan
We decided to move into John Lewis in the second week of December. Spur of the moment, we said afterwards but I’d been thinking about it for months. We were sitting in the Collections Department- a little bit like Argos but with manners and proper upholstery. Someone was thanking a member of staff for all the trouble they’d gone to, rather than all the trouble they’d caused. Roy just looked at me and I knew.
(Click the grey box to listen to Penny Lamport's live reading of Never Knowingly)
Download Never Knowingly by Joan Taylor-Rowan
NOVEMBER 2011: FIRE & BRIMSTONE STORIES
Barry Trotter And The Staff Of Power
by Quintin Forrest
I suppose the first thing to say is that I have read the books. All of them, from cover to cover. It isn't really something I'd have chosen to do, because as Mr Barrington ‘Barry’ Trotter, and a practising magician myself (not the Paul Daniels kind) I'd been more or less plagued by the jokes for years. Plus, as a gentleman of a certain vintage, I'd always felt that to be seen with a Potter, at least in public, would be to run the risk of being labelled a potential sex offender. Which, as a student of the occult, is about the last thing you need, any more speculation.
LLL Nov 11 Barry Trotter by Quintin Forrest
Download Barry Trotter And The Staff Of Power by Quintin Forrest
Stuff
by Sam Carter
She looked around. It was all packed up and ready. His old clothes, washed and folded, in the plaid plastic bags from the pound shop, huge enough to hold a body, she'd mused, as she flapped them open. Her old clothes in their dry-cleaning polythene, on their wire hangers, unworn for ten years, sometimes ever. The bits and bobs, the trinkets, neatly wrapped in out-of-date copies of the Sunday Times he'd always insisted on keeping. The old and mismatched china cuddling up to the broken lamps; the faded curtains stacked in layers in light cardboard boxes.
LLL Nov 11 Stuff by Sam Carter
Temp
by Liam Hogan
“Nice scythe.” The bumblebee said.
“Thanks,” mumbled John. The problem with hallowe’en fancy dress, he mused, was not the dilemma over what to wear, not even the travelling to the event looking like a dork, but the fact that once you arrived at the party and everyone had seen your costume, you had to stay in it for the rest of the evening, long after the novelty had worn off. The thin black cloak from Sainsbury’s wasn’t so bad – you could at least lower the hood, but the scythe was as tall as he was, and was more than just awkward. It was positively dangerous.
A Handful Of Air
by Dan Gillan
Nitrogen: fifty-nine percent. Hydrogen: twenty-one percent. Carbon dioxide: nine percent. Methane: seven percent. Oxygen: four percent. And a dash – a dash only! – of hydrogen sulphide.
This I bottle, and label. My friend Dominic designs the labels (so talented).
To you, sir, madam? To you: seven hundred and forty-five pounds. Such a small, such a little amount, surely – such a token sum. To own this.
LLL Nov 11 A Handful of Air by Dan Gillen
Download A Handful Of Air by Dan Gillan
OCTOBER 2011: BLOOD & GUTS STORIES
(NB for space reasons, we only post a taster of each story - to read the full text, just click on the link to download the story as a Word document).
Atwood Pet Food
by Tovah Reed
Gene Chandler’s ‘Duke of Earl’ floated out of the truck’s speakers. The low-quality sound added to the old-time feel of the song’s lyrics. Mia reached over to turn it up.
‘This is one of my favourites, Daddy,’ she said, smiling.
Download LLL-Atwood-Pet-Food-by-Tovah-Reed
The Porter
by Sarah Brownrigg
I used to love a British breakfast. Couldn’t start the day without one. Fry up, the works, the full Monty as they say. Bacon, eggs, beans, black pudding, mushrooms, grilled tomatoes, toast. Not forgetting a fuck-off sized mug of tea.
Download LLL-The-Porter-by-Sarah-Brownrigg
Last Blood, First Ink
by Liam Hogan
I wince as the needle pierces my skin.
“You must be used to this by now.” The nurse says without looking up, as she pushes past the resistance of the vein wall. I grimace, and say nothing in reply. It always hurts, and I never watch it.
Download LLL-Last-Blood-First-Ink-by-Liam-Hogan
The Work Is Not God's
by Richard Smyth
On a hot sunless morning Paul Coldwater the butcher had stopped him on the corner of Addle Hill.
‘You’re Mr Mendel – the surgeon.’
Download LLL-The-Work-Is-Not-God-by-Richard-Smyth
Gilda
by Nick Garrard
When Gilda had stopped crying we pulled into a lay-by and I fed her bacon straight from the packet. She chewed each rasher slowly, giggling to herself and flexing her legs against the floor.
‘Want more’, she said.
I tutted and looked ahead.
Download LLL-Gilda-by-Nick-Garrard
NEWSFLASH: LLL in MANCHESTER, SAT OCT 15TH!
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SEPTEMBER 2011: DOWN & OUT STORIES
(NB for space reasons, we only post a taster of each story - to read the full text, just click on the link to download the story as a Word document).
Monty
by Sammy Wright
“You travellin’?”
He was squat and dark, dark like they say in old books to mean a little foreign looking. His voice was, as far as I could tell, southern.
I looked at Flora. She was better at strangers than me.
Download LLL-Monty-by-Sammy-Wright
It Never Used to Be This Way
by Francis O'Donnell
I had had the feeling I was falling.
Driving home with the sun in my eyes. I put on my new D&G shades, but they didn’t seem to help. There was that dread feeling in the pit of my stomach. It seemed to sum up nicely all the dying dreams and soundless screams.
Download LLL-It-Never-Used-to-Be-This-Way-By- Francis-O'Donnell
In Search of Batman
by Fiona Salter
It wasn't just the human faeces on the bathroom door that made me think twice about the rental house. Or the washing up dating from 1982, or the turbid green fish tank. It was because there was someone living in the attic.
Download LLL-In-Search-of-Batman-by-Fiona-Salter
Gregory Chaplin and the Biggest Hole in England
by Neil Derby
It was a bright summer’s morning, not so very long ago, when Gregory Chaplin, aged 8, marched into his parents’ living room with a plastic spade in his hand, and announced that he was going to the garden to dig a hole.
Download LLL-Gregory-Chaplin-and-the-Biggest-Hole-in-England-by-Neil-Derby
A Piece of Cake
by Maire Cooney
He woke scared, cold to his bones, and sick. Off the stuff four days, off the script too, all of it, and too late for his appointment, way too late. But he got up, pulled on a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and sat on the edge of the bed until he felt able, until he felt safe enough to move.
Download LLL-A-Piece-of-Cake-By-Maire-Cooney
JULY 2011: NORTH & SOUTH STORIES
(NB for space reasons, we only post a taster of each story - to read the full text, just click on the link to download the story as a Word document).
Three Georges, an Ankles, and a girl with nice legs
by David Rees
George was embarrassed. He was embarrassed about his mum - but not his dad. He was embarrassed about the damp flat he lived in - in the north somewhere - with his dad. He was embarrassed about the clothes he wore. He was embarrassed about all kinds of stuff, young George.
Download LLL N&S - Three Georges ... by David Rees
The North-South Divide
by Sumit Dam
He hadn't told her where they were going, of course, or why they were going there. He hadn't even been thoughtful enough to mention that she should probably wear more practical shoes than leopard-print spike heels. Heels which now threatened to break off – or break her ankle – with every faltering step she took across the shingle.
It'd be worth it, he'd said. Worth traipsing all the way down to this Godforsaken corner of the Garden of England, worth taking day off work for, even worth the ridiculous kiddy train they'd had to ride for the final leg of the journey. Perched in miniature carriages, whooshing along behind people's gardens, full of swingsets and laundry-lines.
Download LLL N&S - The North-South Divide by Sumit Dam
Sweat
by Dan Gillan
For so long have I promised myself this. And now here I am.
I am surrounded by women.
I first made this promise to myself in the summer of my fifteenth year, when I travelled to London via Leeds, with a change at Retford, to attend the nineteen eighty-eight Personal Computer Show. After arriving at King's Cross, mother and I boarded a Piccadilly Line London Underground train to Earl's Court Exhibition Centre. Mother complained of sore feet. I had no complaints. The train was hot. Burningly hot. And I - I was surrounded by women.
Download LLL N&S - Sweat by Dan Gillan
South of the Wall
by Ruben Connell
It was boys from the south who did it. About fifty or so unemployed delinquents turned up in the richest neighbourhood in town and starting wrecking the place. By the time the police turned up windows had been smashed and homes had been looted and set fire to. Someone had even killed a pet cat. It was obvious that after that we’d get a wall in some form.
The north of the city is where the money is. Since the bottom fell out of the economy it’s felt like the north is the only part of the city with anything going for it at all. It doesn’t take an economics degree to see we’re beyond a double dip recession. The last few years have resembled a radio wave more than a “w” and though commentators now talk of a plateau, it feels more like a flat sea bed with an ocean of national debt above it – a salty sea of austerity.
Download LLL N&S - South of the Wall by Ruben Connell
Pointing Into The Blue
by Marie Farrow
We always meet in a church. It is three miles north of my home, and I cycle there every week. I take the same route each time, forcing myself up the hill and chaining my bike to the thick black railings outside. She buzzes me in and I wait by the chapel, where scribbled Sunday-school pictures of Easter eggs are still blue-tacked to the wall. The room is just off the community centre, dark with parquet flooring and small high windows, housing just two leather sofas, a coffee table with a squat box of tissues, and a large round clock with a pronounced tick. We continue uphill there for fifty minutes; three thousand ticks. Sometimes I go too fast. Sometimes I slow down and stop. Sometimes – sometimes I am not sure how we have ended up where we are. Eventually, she looks at the clock and takes my money and I freewheel home again; three miles downhill with the wind stinging my eyes.
Download LLL N&S - Pointing Into The Blue by Marie Farrow
AUGUST 2011: RHYTHM & BLUES STORIES
(NB for space reasons, we only post a taster of each story - to read the full text, just click on the link to download the story as a Word document. You can also listen to the stories by clicking the MP3 link or watch the readings on YouTube by clicking the video link, because we are just that damn multimedia ...)
The B is for the Blues
by Liam Hogan
As the bellows trundle back and forth something deep within gives a muffled squeak. The inappropriately named Mexican orderly, Angel, says he’ll get an engineer to fix it. But I don’t mind – it’s reassuring, the noise reminding me that the device is doing its job – the filling and emptying of my lifeless lungs.
Download LLL R&B - The B is for the Blues by Liam Hogan
MP3 of the reading by Richard Smyth:
Chalkhill Blues
by Dan Gillan
‘It’s sick,’ I told him. ‘Those poor little things. Innocent. What did they ever do to you? What did they ever do to anybody?’
And he just stood there, leering over this glass case filled with dead butterflies.
‘They’re beautiful, Graham,’ he said. ‘Can you not see that?’
‘I can see that they were,’ I said. ‘Before you killed them.’
Download LLL R&B - Chalkhill Blues by Dan Gillan
MP3 of the reading by David Rees:
A Second Hand Emotion
by Cherry Potts
I’ve been dancing and singing since morning. I came in from the market with all my bundles feeling like Christmas, though that’s weeks away yet. I shoved a tape in the old portable deck on the shelf above the kettle, and sang along with Ella.
Two rooms and kitchen
I’m sure would do …
Download LLL R&B - A Second Hand Emotion by Cherry Potts
MP3 of the reading by Katy Darby:
LLL R&B - A Second Hand Emotion
The Rhythm
by Paul Robinson
He is aware of the oar in his hands and he is aware of the man in front of him. And he hears…what does he hear? It is a sound with no words. It is a sound with any number of words.
“Push-pull”, it might be saying.
“In-out”, it might be saying.
“Shhhh-shhhh”, it might be saying.
Download LLL R&B - The Rhythm by Paul Robinson
MP3 of the reading by Stephen Bellamy:
No Rhythm, But Blues
by Francis O'Donnell
Supposed to be playing here Saturday night. Me and the band: Monkey Wrench. You’ve probably never heard of us, crowd like you, but we’re good. Bernie Hamnett of Revolution Records says we could be the new Led Zep. Says if all goes well on Saturday, with his people in the audience, we’ll get our deal. I just hope it doesn’t turn out like it did a couple of Saturdays ago. Like the big fight-scene in a corny western it was. Smashed glasses, broken noses, stools flying: all the jazz.
Download LLL R&B - No Rhythm, But Blues by Francis O'Donnell
MP3 of the reading by Stephen Bellamy:
LLL R&B - No Rhythm, But Blues
PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS THE LIARS' LEAGUE LEEDS STORY & VIDEO ARCHIVE FOR AUGUST 2011 TO MAY 2012
For more recent stories, updates and forthcoming themes please visit their brand new site at:
http://liarsleagueleeds.wordpress.com/