Liars' League

Lili of the Valley of the Shadow by Derek Ivan Webster

Lili of the Valley of the Shadow MP3

Read by Alex Greenhalgh - full podcast here.

The woman at the store assured him there was nothing to be ashamed of. He was almost fourteen and it was natural that he would be exploring these things. That she was dressed in a leather harness with studded choke collar didn’t prove as distracting as the pale curves and bulges of her barely covered skin. She wrapped his purchase in a black satin bag. It just fit in his backpack.

“Don’t worry about the sign. You can come anytime.” She patted him on the head and he was almost comforted. “No judgements here.” It was the glimpse of her nipple that sent him running for the door.

Fish-fish by Cherry Potts

Read by Math Jones - full podcast here (fourth story) 

She has a small cloche hat pulled down so tight it’s a wonder she hasn’t ripped the rim. He has his hair plastered to his head so smoothly that Joel half expects beads of Brilliantine in the crease at the back of his neck, but despite this they are immaculate, both wearing some fabric between velvet and moleskin that shimmers and tempts the fingertip to explore its textures.

Joel shows them to a booth at the back of the room, with a mirror behind them, which will allow him to keep an eye on them without quite staring. He cannot fathom what it is that draws him. They could be sister and brother they look so alike, round-eyed, broad-cheeked, flat-nosed; his wonderful whiskers the only feature that truly distinguishes them one from the other, but the way they behave with each other is not sibling-like. She gazes and gazes, her round eyes drinking him in with something like awe, and he caresses her with his glance. It is barely decent.

The Wicker Heart by Alan Graham

Read by Peter Kenny - full podcast here (last story)

“Nervous?” my girlfriend asks, briefly taking her eyes off the road ahead to look at me and smile reassuringly.

“Of course.” I reply. Or at least I try to. Seeking to hide my nerves, I make a real effort to sound calm and overdo it. I end up just making a slight gurgly noise.

“My parents will just adore you,” she declares.

I don’t believe her for a second. “I’ve always been bad with parents, that’s why I said the first time we meet needs to be a quiet affair. Somewhere low-key. Like a Burger King.”

She sighs loudly, “You were not meeting my parents at a Burger King.”

The Red Satin Flag of Resistance by Mark Sadler

Read by Silas Hawkins - full podcast here (fifth story)

Gerald and Kathy's forbidden love existed in defiance of a powerful dating algorithm, which had declared them mutually incompatible.

They first met in the lobby of the Wayward Hearts dating agency, where they were waiting to be provided with the identities of their ideal partners, selected for them through the impartial medium of computer software. A conversation concerning a rise in parking charges had quickly blossomed into friendship. They had departed prematurely, walking away hand in hand, to the horror of the agency manager, Lynda Jolly, who ever since that day, had been determined to correct this cosmic imbalance.

Soul Searching by Liam Hogan

Soul Searching MP3

Read by Keleigh Wolf - full podcast here.

The first thing Tammy did on getting back to a guy’s flat was to check on the state of his soul.

If it was listless and lethargic, or worse; aggressive and ill-controlled, if it was poorly housed, moulting, or just plain sick, then she’d make her excuses and be out of there as fast as she could.

It would be a lot easier if men carried their souls around with them as she and her girlfriends did. The idea of going anywhere without her soul filled her with dread, a panicky feeling that soured food, wine, and conversation. Men obviously didn’t feel the same way and it was rare to catch a glimpse of their soul before they’d be trying to show you a whole lot more besides. Men even left their souls at home when they went to work, which always astonished Tammy. How could anyone go that long without their soul? How could a soul go that long without company?

A Shared History by Seth Marlin

Read by William Teller - full podcast here (fifth story)

In the years after your retirement, you’ll continue to make regular visits to the cafe where your wife once worked. This will be one of the two indulgences you still allow yourself. One such occasion will fall on a snowy afternoon in early February – you’ll push the door open with a jingle, stomp off your boots, unwind the scarf from around your neck. The transition will fog your glasses, imbue the scene with a glow like nostalgia. The establishment will be nearly empty, save for a few patrons working on laptops. The young woman behind the bar will be following their example, her attentions drifting between screen and page. She’ll look up from her own work as you enter, will smile and push back from the counter. “Mr. Simmons.” This will not be your real name.

Valentine's event: Love & Lust on Tuesday 12th February

The six pulse-pounding stories for our Valentine's event, LOVE & LUST featured pagan bonfires, lustful teens, scarlet knickers, ill-advised one-night stands, fish suppers, sex at the Imperial War Museum and - naturally - the end of civilisation. The YouTube playlist is here and the full podcast is here, for your audio-visual pleasure ...

WINNING STORIES FOR LOVE & LUST

A Shared History by Seth Marlin NEW AUTHOR, read by William Teller
Fish-fish by Cherry Potts, read by Math Jones
The Wicker Heart by Alan Graham, read by Peter Kenny
The Red Satin Flag of Resistance by Mark Sadler, read by Silas Hawkins
Soul Searching by Liam Hogan, read by Keleigh Wolf
Lili of the Valley of the Shadow by Derek Ivan Webster, read by Alex Greenhalgh

As usual, doors open at 7pm for a 7.30 start and tickets are £5 on the door (currently cash only, sorry, but there is a cashpoint across the street). Drinks and food will be available at the bar, though there are also free Loveheart sweets and the infamous interval quiz features swoonworthy brand-new books to be won! There's no pre-booking, but tables for four or more can be reserved by calling 07808 939535.

The venue is the downstairs bar at:

The Phoenix Pub
37 Cavendish Square 
London 
W1G 0PP

Accessibility note: Access to the basement is via stairs: there is no lift, sadly. 

The Phoenix is 5 minutes' walk from Oxford Circus tube station, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines. Map here.