Liars' League

Le Retreat by Fiona Salter

Le Retreat MP3

Read by Sarah Gain

"I was put on this planet ter bring happiness ter others, basically."

Nora is dragging her case through the dinky French airport, following a wolf. It's gazing out from Kiki’s fleecy back, above striding lime-green leopard print legs. Kiki is the bringer of happiness.

Nora feels she’s only been clinging onto adult life with her fingernails for a while now.  Having exhausted another boss, another man, another landlord in quick succession, she’s decided it’s time for a little soul searching. It turned out that what her friends termed eccentric or, more kindly, ’kooky’ didn’t cut it in your forties.  

‘Rebalance your chakras, find wellness in French countryside’ the ad had said. Chakras? Never mind. 'Available all year round.' That clinched it. A retreat sounded positive and focused, the kind of thing a proper adult would do, instead of holing up in bed like a wounded animal.

Walk a Mile in my Shoes by Olga Wojtas

Walk a Mile in My Shoes MP3

Read by Keleigh Wolf

Abby was feeling meh. There was no particular reason. Or rather, there were lots of little reasons which had all stuck together to create a sensation of overwhelming mehness.

She had stayed up too late playing Bejeweled Blitz and woken feeling slightly headachy. The milk in the fridge had turned sour. She was pretty sure Simon wasn't The One. It was raining. She’d waited to buy the blue jumpsuit in the sale and now they only had it in a size 10. She hadn't won the lottery. Again. And it really irritated her the way the superheroes cluttered up the coffee shop.

It had been such a lovely little independent. But now its character had changed completely, and everyone was too scared of the superheroes to complain. She would never have gone in if the milk hadn't been sour.

Summer Season by Sally Syson

Summer Season MP3

Read by Charlotte Worthing

She tells him not to, but he even does it when they are fucking, which is horrible: the voices coming out of the closet, from up on the ceiling, from under the bed. He is looming over her with a letterbox grin and the voices are oozing out from between his teeth. She knees him in the ribs and he drops back with a gasp.

What’s the matter with you, he says, can’t you take a joke?

His voice, his ordinary voice, is flat and nasal — Essex or thereabouts — but at least his lips are moving. He rolls over and reaches for his cigarettes. He doesn’t offer them to her so she snatches the packet out of his hand. They lie side-by-side without speaking and the twin streams of smoke spiral upwards, like tendrils, without touching.

The Ends of the Earth by Aileen O'Farrell

The Ends of the Earth MP3

Read by Annalie Wilson

Two nuns come to sit with me today – prating and tutting though they have no power here. The younger one is kind enough. She is from the West herself and asks after my Lizzie. She looks after the orphan girls across in Stanhope St she tells me, and would be happy to have Lizzie among them to learn her her letters. 

And if she’s an orphan does that mean I’m already dead?

She’s no answer to that. I ask her if she’s seen Lizzie today. Not yet, she says– they will visit the children’s cells before they go if time allows it. I hope to God they’re feeding her all right or else it’s all for nothing in the end.  Her bones like a bird when last I held her.  The childer used to get the same ration as the rest of us but Matron says they’ve put a stop to that now for they were cutting up and creating riots all over the city just to get in here.  

Finding Jezza by Sally Lane

Finding Jezza MP3

Read by Nicky Diss

When my sister Sonia called round unexpectedly at 2pm, I was still wearing my Bayeux Tapestry bathrobe. While I was explaining to her the origin of its name – that is, each stain or object recounted an episode in the last few months: the gravy blob from a TV dinner, for instance, or the encrusted cornflake from a late-night snack – she interrupted me. When was the last time I’d had a conversation with anyone? she asked. I had to think about that. Did the bin men count? I said.

My guess is, it was this encounter that prompted her to send me the book that arrived a few days later. Seeking Enlightenment, Finding Jesus, was its title. Sonia thinks that Jesus can solve anything, even gravy blobs and encrusted cornflakes. I have nothing against Jesus; in fact, in my youth, before I got distracted by field sports and boys, he and I were on fairly intimate terms. It was just that now I was officially an adult, we had drifted some distance apart.

Limbo by Susan Smith

Limbo MP3

Read by Jennifer Aries

05:07

A rhombus of acid-yellow on the carpet. She watches the borders, concentrating on the shapes lying just beyond the light and names them.

Shoe. 

Sock. 

Bottle.

If she thinks hard enough, these shadow objects twist into new shapes. Deform. But a sense of responsibility holds her back. Why hurt your

This month's event: WOMEN & GIRLS, Tuesday 12th September

Our female-focused September event, Women & Girls (click for Facebook event), is a tasty selection of brand new short fiction by and about women (and girls), for everyone to enjoy. The show is on Tuesday 12th September, starting at 7.30pm (doors open at 7pm), when the winning stories will be performed by our marvellous Liars' League actresses. 

 

The six chosen pieces feature superhero(in)es, ventriloquists, obsession, depression, Victorian prisoners, charismatic polygamists, West Midlands spiritual healers, and all manner of enticing stuff besides ...

 

WOMEN & GIRLS WINNING STORIES 

Summer Season by Sally Syson NEW AUTHOR, read by Charlotte Worthing

Walk a Mile in My Shoes by Olga Wojtas NEW AUTHOR, read by Keleigh Wolf

Limbo by Sue Smith NEW AUTHOR, read by Jennifer Aries

Finding Jezza by Sally Lane NEW AUTHOR, read by Nicky Diss

The Ends of the Earth by Aileen O'Farrell, read by Annalie Wilson

Le Retreat by Fiona Salter, read by Sarah Gain 

 

The night will also feature our infamous book quiz (with female-authored novels as prizes #readwomen) and free sweets, just because. Tickets cost £5 on the door (cash only, no advance booking) and seating is unreserved - so it's a good idea to get there a bit ahead of time if you want a good table. Accessibility note: access to the basement bar is via stairs - there's no lift, alas. 

The venue is downstairs at:
The Phoenix
37 Cavendish Square 
London 
W1G 0PP

(The Phoenix is five minutes' walk from Oxford Circus tube station, which is on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines). Map here.

P.S. We got an amazing number of submissions for this theme - more than double our usual amount - so if we get a good turnout at the event we may make Women & Girls a regular theme. If you think this is a great idea, please do come along, bring your friends and tell everyone you know, of any and every gender, about it. Ta!

Podcast

Bored at work? Long, quiet commute? Are you an audiophile desiring more Liars' League goodness? We've got the cure for what ails you: loads and loads of stories, some funny, some sad, some just plain odd, all good.

LISTENING TO AND DOWNLOADING THE PODCAST(S):

If you want to listen to the stories or download them for later enjoyment, you have a choice of podcasts:

For LIARS' LEAGUE 2013 onwards (updated monthly) just click here - it should take you to our latest episode: https://liarsleague.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/92

or if you use Chrome please find our most recent episodes linked directly below:

2020 podcasts

Hide & Seek - LIVE Halloween Event (October)
Women & Girls - Lockdown Literature #3 (August)
Mystery & Suspense - Lockdown Literature #2 (June)
Young & Old - Lockdown Literature #1 (April)
Scoundrels & Scandals Valentine's Event (February)

2019 podcasts

Sugar & Spice Christmas Show (December)
Toil & Trouble Hallowe'en Special (October)
Women & Girls (August)
Infinity & Beyond (June)
Before & After (April)
Love & Lust Valentine's Event (February)

2018 podcasts
BONUS CHRISTMAS STORY! "And Following This, the Queen's Speech" by Elizabeth Hopkinson, read by Gloria Sanders
Naughty & Nice Christmas Show (December)
Trick & Treat Halloween Special (October)
Women & Girls (August)
Rise & Fall (June)
Small & Beautiful flash fiction & 11th birthday! (April) 
Kiss & Tell Valentine's Event (February)

2017 podcasts
Sacred & Profane (December)
Brothers & Sisters (November)
Death & Taxes (October)
Women & Girls (September)
Heads & Tails (July)
Questions & Answers (June)
Cut & Thrust (May)
Truth & Lies & our 10th birthday! (April)
Rack & Ruin (March)
Mate & Date (February)

2016 podcasts
Light & Dark (December)
Us & Them (November)
Flesh & Bone (October)
Gods & Mortals (September)
Work & Play (August)
National Gallery Inspiration Late (July)
Genius & Madness (July)
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (June)
Stage & Screen (May)
Hundreds & Thousands (100th event - April)
Justice & Mercy (March)
Clean & Dirty (February)