Liars' League

Humbug by Ian Aikman

Read by Magnus Rook

My name is Tiny Tim and I hate Christmas. Now I know what you’re thinking: not so tiny any more! But, if you ask me, that nickname was always unfair. It started when I was eight years old — who isn’t tiny at that age?

It was my Uncle Scrooge who first called me that. He’s not my uncle, he’s my dad’s boss. And after eight years of not paying us enough to afford food, he rocked up on Christmas Day 1843 with the biggest turkey I’ve ever seen. That was a weird Christmas. Surely your dad’s boss is the last person you want to see curled up by the fire singing ‘Little Drummer Boy’.

Uncle Lewis by David Mathews

Read by Gloria Sanders

Dylan Thomas said, ‘There were always Uncles at Christmas. The same Uncles.’

‘Davy won’t want it green again, Cerys,’ says my Mam. ‘Yellow? You liked it when it was yellow, yes?'

‘And Uncle Lewis’s favourite,’ I say, all jolly. But Mam looks away quick, and I wish I’d shut up.

My Uncle Davy cooks. I don’t mean at home, where he does it all, Uncle Cledwyn being handless in the kitchen. I mean on Boxing Day at our place, where he mixes and bakes, marinades and roasts every mouthful we and my uncles eat. It is awesome. Mam and I scrub the kitchen spotless for him, and every few years we paint it.

Snowy by Jonathan Weil

Read by David Mildon

‘Snowy.’

The voice was right in his ear, snapping him out of the grey half-dreaming zone that he’d drifted into while walking. Her voice. It could have been a comment on the conditions – the snow, the moonlight, the country road flat white – but he knew better. She hadn’t called him Snowy in ages. The sound of it brought back a memory, years ago, curled up in her single bed in the Catford flat, she stroking his hair, Snowy … Snowy … Snoooowwwyyyy … softly, over and over. And then that little laugh she used to do: soft and private, barely exiting her body, sweet with tenderness and regret …

The Wreath Thief by Amy Eddings

Read by Tony Bell

It is December, the death-rattle of the year, and the weather grim and wild, as two bone-chilled travellers stumble into a lonely village tavern in search of rest, ale, and cheer. The Holly Inn is warm and dry, but also ancient and near-empty; a solitary old man mutters to himself beside the great open hearth. One traveller remarks quietly to the other that this would be a splendid place to set a ghost-story ...

Some Apology by Lianne Warr

Read by Paul Clarke

Look. I’ve had some time to think. And what it is … what it is, is that I don’t feel good about what I did, all right? I know it’s probably not enough, not now, not after all these years and everything that happened. Yet I have to say it, or I’ll never rest. I don’t think this is how an apology should be going, to be honest with you. It should be about you, shouldn’t it? Not about me unburdening myself. But isn’t that the point of apologies? To feel less rotten about oneself? Pretty selfish, come to think of it! How am I to know what this will do for you? It might make things worse, for all I know.

The Summoning Bell by Rebecca Miles

Read by Lin Sagovsky

The Cutter’s Inn, County of Bristol, 1844

Winter trees reach with long dark fingers into an unresponsive sky as the figure strikes a match, bringing the hungry flame to the paper’s edge. Clouds mask the moon as they did a year ago, and no reflection in the inky waters mirrors the man’s face, shaggy brows knitted in concentration. The canal carves its quiet way through the night, secrets flowing through each of the 105 locks linking this backwater to the smog and skulduggery of London. Despite the December drizzle, the paper catches, words scorched in a tongue of flame.

 

CHRISTMAS EVENT: Wreaths & Wraiths, Tue 10 Dec at De Hems, Soho

🎄The winning stories for our final show of the year, WREATHS & WRAITHS 👻 on Tuesday 10th December were a seasonal selection box of six by turns spine-chilling and heart-warming, featuring remorseful ghosts, Victorian railways, haunted wreaths, nine Welsh Uncles, backwoods honeymoon horror & a grown-up (& very pissed-off) Tiny Tim ... Tickets were just £5 (here) & included mince pies & a festive book quiz!

WINNING STORIES for WREATHS & WRAITHS

"The Summoning Bell" by Rebecca Miles NEW AUTHOR - read by Lin Sagovsky

"Uncle Lewis" by David Mathews NEW AUTHOR - read by Gloria Sanders

"Humbug" by Ian Aikman NEW AUTHOR - read by Magnus Rook

"Snowy" by Jonathan Weil NEW AUTHOR - read by David Mildon

"The Wreath Thief" by Amy Eddings - read by Tony Bell

"Some Apology" by Lianne Warr - read by Paul Clarke

 

And if those aren't enough, all the stories from our Halloween special Bell Book & Candle are also online: just click to read the stories, watch the videos or listen to the podcast.

 

WREATHS & WRAITHS Christmas Stories

is on TUESDAY 10th DECEMBER

Tickets £5: 6.30pm doors, 7.30pm show

Upstairs at De Hems Dutch Cafe/Bar

11 Macclesfield Street, Soho, London W1D 5DW

 

Liars' League

www.liarsleague.com

Writers write. Actors read. Audience listens. Everybody wins.

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