Liars' League

33,333rd Time Lucky by Jim Cogan

33,333rd Time Lucky MP3

Read by Paul Clarke

Fail #1:

Day one, minute one, and smack off the bat you’ve fucked up.

My wife, bleeding to death.

Your own mother.

As if you hadn’t caused her pain enough already, you have to go and kick her on your way out, you clumsy little twerp. A massive postpartum haemorrhage, they said. No doubt aggravated by this and that and what-not, I grant you. But I’ve seen how babies flail and thrash.

 

Best out of 20 by Simon Barker

Best out of 20 MP3

Read by Nicky Diss

Trial 1.

First she had to get a boy. But it was difficult because there were no boys at school. There weren’t even any male teachers. There were a couple of gardeners, but how was she going to get a gardener when there were a thousand other girls and a lot of them more attractive and not suffering from the horrible handicap of being such a smarty-pants?

 

Calling Out by Jennifer Rickard

Calling Out MP3

read by Paul Case

18th March

Tomorrow's the day. Well, today technically since it's 3am but I couldn't lie around in the dark any longer. Got out of the bed and out of the room before Gemma woke up. She's a light sleeper and I can't deal with her questions right now.

Made coffee and paced the house for a while. Eventually sat out on the porch and looked out at the fields and stars. Have always found the stars to be comforting, it's nice to know they're always there. And somewhere in all that space is that asteroid, and somewhere on that asteroid is the probe, just waiting for its wake up call.

 

Skimming the Surface by Sarah Evans

Skimming the Surface MP3

Read by Patsy Prince

‘Isn’t she quiet?,’ the woman says, voice booming over the communal breakfast table. She has the eager-faced appearance of the team-sport player, her fleece bright, manner brisk. For the last twenty minutes she has talked nonstop, while simultaneously consuming vast amounts of cereal and fry-up.

Aren’t you noisy? I’d like to say.

 

The Biographers by Simone Haysom

The Biographers MP3

Read by Louisa Gummer

She was 25 when they first met, and working as his typist. He was 45 and had not yet written his best work. Because she had just quit her job as a nurse he asked her, mischievously, ‘tell me about the last wishes of the dying?’ Each time she gave a different answer.

 

NEXT EVENT: Trial & Error, Tuesday April 14th (& our 8th birthday)

The evidence has been presented, the defence has rested, and the judges of Liars' League have delivered their verdict. Let the court note that the following stories have been declared fit for release at the TRIAL & ERROR event on Tuesday April 14th. (Also, it's the League's 8th birthday so there will be cake.)

PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO JOIN THE FACEBOOK EVENT IF YOU'RE THINKING OF COMING! (It really helps us to know numbers ...)

TRIAL & ERROR WINNING STORIES
Skimming the Surface by Sarah Evans (NEW AUTHOR), read by Patsy Prince
The Biographers by Simone Haysom (NEW AUTHOR), read by Louisa Gummer
Best of 20 by Simon Barker, read by Nicky Diss
33,333rd Time Lucky by Jim Cogan, read by Paul Clarke
Calling Out by Jennifer Rickard, read by Paul Case (NEW ACTOR)

Funnily enough, despite all the legal gags above there's not a courtroom drama in sight, but we can promise you alien encounters, stern fathers, awkward teenagers, dead writers and steamy sexual experimentation, which is pretty good for a Tuesday night. As we are 8, there will also be balloons, FREE CAKE, birthday sweeties and as usual free books to be won in our half-time quiz. 

Doors open at 7pm and the show starts at 7.30, but since we can get fairly packed, best show up early if you want a good seat. Tickets are £5 on the door, first come first served, though you can reserve tables if you're a group of 5 or more - just call us at least 24 hours in advance on 07808 939535.

The venue is downstairs at:
The Phoenix
37 Cavendish Square 
London 
W1G 0PP

Map here

(The Phoenix is 5 minutes' walk from Oxford Circus tube station, on the Victoria, Bakerloo and Central lines)